Secrets and Lullabies
by Oblivious-Bystander
Summary: She didn't believe in violence but she would kill someone without hesitation.He was her world and she'd be damned if anyone tried to take it away.Something is missing from his life, some say love. But he didn't need love. He never would.1xR AU !CHAPTER FIFTEEN!
1. MacnCheese & Blind Dates

**Secrets and Lullabies**

_Chapter One_: Mac-n-Cheese & Blind Dates

By Oblivious-Bystander

Bursting through the door, running across the silent carpet, she froze against the plain olive walls. Flattening herself into the shadows, she held her weapon up, fully alert, breathing heavily, preparing herself from the battle to come.

"Surrender!" cried a voice from outside the door, full of youth and determination, "You're surrounded!" mimicking the phrase often used by police officers surrounding a building. She was in a room with one escape, and that meant coming face to face with the source of that voice.

"You'll never take me alive!" she cried, whirling around the corner to reveal herself, perfectly aiming for the obvious commander, waiting for a reaction as she showed no sign of fear etched on her face. She lived to die. She wouldn't go down without a fair fight.

A smile broke across his face, before he became serious again, "Fire!" throwing his gun up to align with her chest, a fatal shot sure to come.

"Pow! Pow! Pow!" rung through the air, the gun in his hands jerking back with the impressive force

Falling to the floor dramatically with a cry, jerking her body with each 'Pow', Relena tried to crawl away holding her side, firing her gun behind her wildly not caring if all she hit was a wall. She had her pride and would be damned if she died without hitting something, even if it wasn't exactly living.

A pitter patter of footsteps chased after her and before she knew it, she was gazing up to her attacker, dull black gun only inches from her head. She had run long enough.

Showing no mercy, he fired, "Pow!" a stream of water rocketing out of the barrel.

It dripped down her face slowly which only strengthened the laughter that was already filling the room, she scowled at her son, "I thought we agreed to no face shots?" using her sleeve to remove the evidence.

"I thought we agreed that you'd make me macaroni and cheese?" never lowering his water gun that had been spray painted black to be more realistic. She couldn't remember if it was illegal or not to do that. His messy brown hair and red chubby checks were evidence of hours of preparation for their spy game. She was always the villain.

Smiling, she made her way for the kitchen in defeat. Hoping he would follow and be done with the game and give into his hunger, to her delight she heard the quiet thud of the toy dropping to floor, a swish from the water inside, followed by another stampede of pitter patter footsteps. Now was her chance.

Spinning around with a loud battle cry, she opened fire, squirting him several times in the face, arms, and chest. He didn't react properly, just stood there at the act of the betrayal.

The expression on his face was priceless and she broke into a fit of laughter before picking him up and walking to the kitchen, "Now you can have your mac-n-cheese." Life was always such a game to them.

Passing through her living room on her short walk to the kitchen, she observed her son's, Josh, preventer force, consisting of a wide variation of stuffed animals from dinosaurs to teddy bears. All she could do was smile and thank god that that was all there was to clean up. He usually got more creative and drew scenery on paper to tape to the walls, cute but messy, creative but a pain.

Sitting him down on the red counter top, she rummaged through the hazel nut cabinets for the blue box that her son craved so much and so often for. Upon finding it, she placed it in her sons lap as she filled a pot with water, "So do you want anything in it this time? Last time you put gummy bears in it." She all about gagged at the memory. Her son had odd taste buds and found it a hobby to torment her with it.

Pondering the possibilities, Josh tapped a small finger on his chin, looking around the plain kitchen as if the plaid curtains would give him any ideas. Suddenly, his face lit up before jumping from the counter, stumbling, and running to the kitchen with the box of pasta mix still in his tiny grasp.

Watching him go, she could only dread what he would bring back. Trying to ignore the many noises drifting out of the hallway, she put the pot on the stove, turned the heat on high and sprinkled salt into the water in hopes to speed up the bowling. It was already 7:30 and she didn't want to be up all night.

Josh emerged from the hallway, disappointment on his face, to meet his mother's questioning gaze, "Never mind, I was gonna say M&M's but I ate them last night" She remembered, he had a chocolate craving as if he were a pregnant woman or a depressed woman. Either way, it had been stressful.

Heartbroken at his disappointment to mix chocolate with cheese, Relena turned to the fridge in search of a replacement, "How about…" pushing things aside and opening up drawers, looking for anything bizarre to suggest to her son, "How about…hot dogs?"

She had had that before, and it wasn't bad. Plus, she didn't know if she could stomach anything like skittles and cheesy pasta again, or anything gummy. She specially didn't want to chance chocolate. Some things just didn't mix.

Josh's eyes widened and a smile broke across his face, "good idea! I've never thought of that!"

Holding back a sigh of relief, she glanced at the pot, boiling, "It's time, buddy"

At the words, josh ripped open the top of the box and Relena picked him up to let him pour in the pasta mix, handing him a wooden spoon for him to stir with, "Careful, don't touch the pot"

Groaning, Josh stirred fiercely resulting in splashing water out of the pot, "I knoooow. You tell me that every time"

"Maybe if you didn't touch it when I told you not to, I wouldn't have to" putting him back on the floor to gather the rest of the ingredients and to set the timer, throwing away the blue box after checking the measurements. She had made this a thousand times but always had to make sure.

"I did not!", stomping his foot for being wrong He absolutely hated being wrong.

"Did too!" putting the drainer in the sink. She preferred everything to be ready when it got done cooking.

Refusing to argue in a losing battle, Josh stomped away, slamming his foot louder and with more force with each step he took, his arms up with his elbows by his ears, tense with a childish temper tantrum.

"Quit stomping and behave" throwing him a 'drop-the-attitude' look. She could be his best friend but she had to be a mother too. She liked being about to be both though sometimes it just didn't work out that way.

Before he could throw back anything smart like he usually did, there was a knock at the door, breaking the tension between them that could have been cut with a butter knife. Excitement coursing through him, Josh ran for the door even though he knew he wasn't supposed to. He loved meeting new people and loved seeing people he knew even more. He was very social even if he didn't know what he was talking about.

"Don't open it, Josh! You never open the door without knowing who it is!" motherly instincts flaring

He froze his hand above his head and on the door knob. Thinking, he finally smiled. She could almost see the idea light bulb light up with life.

Screaming at the top of his lungs, Josh tried to solve his problem, "WHO IS IT!"

"Josh Gerard Dorlian!"

Josh backed away from the door sheepishly. It wasn't ever good if she said his whole name, especially with her face as red as it was. But to his rescue, the door slide open and a familiar face peeked inside. It was Hilde, "Is this a bad time?" examining both their features.

As if he hadn't just gotten in trouble, Josh jumped up into the visitor's arms with a cry of joy, "Hilde, you're here, you're here!" acting as if he it had been years instead of two days since he had seen her last.

Crushing him in a bear hug and a swarm of kisses, Hilde couldn't help but smile at her best friend's son of five years-old next Saturday, "I'm here, I'm here!" What could she say? She was there when he was born and had been attached to him ever since.

Telling her all about the game from earlier and his disappointment about not having any candy to eat with his mac-n-cheese, Josh ran off immediately absorbed in a show that came on TV, dodging his many stuffed animals that still needed to be picked up.

Stirring, Relena looked up to Hilde now that she was free from her son, "So what brings you here?" teasingly, Hilde was always welcome and she knew it, often taking advantage of it.

Hilde turned away from the TV that Josh was so absorbed in, a little absorbed herself, and walked into the kitchen that was only disconnected from the living room by having fake tile instead of carpet, "Oh…nothing" obviously aiming to retrieve more attention that what she was getting.

Checking the timer, Relena turned her full attention to Hilde with a raised eyebrow, "How was the blind date that Midi set you up with?"

She hit jackpot and she knew it. Hilde's face broke into a grin and she danced in place as her cheeks became rosy, "Oh, Relena, he was perfect! He was funny and he was cute and he was funny!"

Chuckling to herself, Relena poured the noodles into the drainer when the timer went off, scrapping any out that were stuck to the bottom, "Funny and cute are perfect? Wow you have low standards"

Hilde pulled her short black hair a little, a habit of hers, and walked around the island to sit on a stool, "Oh, but you don't understand! We clicked, Relena! We could talk about almost anything and he was so sweet and flirty and…I don't know. He just felt right. I think he's the one"

"Hilde, you think anyone with a nice face and good sense of humor that can hold a conversation is 'the one'" throwing her fingers up in quotations before pouring the noodles back into the pot and mixing in all the ingredients.

"I do not...Well, okay maybe I do. But he really was great. He was fit but not bulky, not tall but not shorter than me, blue eyes and an adorable smile… OH! Oh my God, Relena, he had a super long brown braid!" stretching her arms out to try to elaborate the actual length of it.

Relena paused in the middle of stirring in the powdered cheese, looking behind her to give her friend a questioning stare, "A braid? But why?"

"He said that he just never cut it and can't seem to part with it. He had some sort of attachment to it but really it didn't look bad at all. He made it look….hot" struggling to finish her sentence, speechless from the memory

Obviously, the guy was good looking and a good guy but usually, Hilde always found a flaw. So far, there wasn't one yet. "So what's his name, or did you forget to ask while you were gawking at him"

Ignoring the comment, Hilde broke into a smile again, even if it was just a name, "Duo Maxwell and he's our age, 25! The only bad thing is that he lives on L2 and he's just visiting but he said he's been considering on moving here on L1. I hope he does"

Well, there's the flaw but it wasn't nearly as bad as they usually were like having big zits, ate with their mouths open, groped her…

Opening the fridge for the package of hot dogs, Relena thought about her last romance and how long ago it seemed even though…

"So what do you think? You wanna meet him tomorrow? I know you're off work so don't try to get out of it" Hilde interrupted her thoughts, which was probably a good thing considering the topic. Sadly enough, she was right. She was off tomorrow. To make it worse, she hadn't gotten around to making plans yet either so she really couldn't get out of meeting him not that he sounded like a bad person or anything.

Ignoring the question all together, secretly hoping she'd forget about it, Relena began chopping up two hot dogs into slivers about half an inch thick and dumping them into the pot of cheesy pasta, stirring them into it wondering if she should have heated them up first.

"Do you?" Hilde pressed. Of course she wouldn't forget.

"I guess so, Hilde, but you know I really don't like going places with you and your new boyfriend's. Me and Josh always end up feeling left out…" wondering if she was wrong in adding Josh into that statement, she concluded she wasn't. She didn't know how he felt but she knew he was always bored in some form.

"Oh that's fine! Midi, Cathy, and some of Duo's friends are coming too. So you'll have at least someone to talk to and if not, we'll be sure to go to the park or something so you and Josh can play"

At the word 'park', Josh showed up in the kitchen expectantly and Hilde asked him if he would mind going somewhere with her and his mommy tomorrow. Of course, with the mention of a park, he had no objection.

Filling up three bowls and pouring a glass of apple juice for Josh and two glasses of coffee, three sugars and crème in both, they went to the living room to eat.

Both Hilde and Josh sat on the floor against the couch completely absorbed into the Disney movie 'Honey We Shrunk Ourselves'. Relena curled up in the corner of the couch with her coffee secured in her lap and a bowl of doggy mac-n-cheese on the arm. She paid attention to the movie off and on but couldn't stay focused as her mind wondered back to her thoughts from earlier, her last romance.

It was really her only romance aside from dating a few people but those never went anywhere.

Her only real romance was Josh's father, someone she could only label a mistake.

Looking down at Josh's profile, she could see so much of herself which pleased her. She didn't know what she would do if he looked a lot like his father. Make him wear a mask all day for fun? Every day for the rest of his life? No, she couldn't do that. His father's mistakes had nothing to do with him. She loved him.

Smiling down at him as he laughed up at the TV, Relena made an oath to never let anything hurt him. An oath she had made many times before.

She didn't believe in violence but she would kill someone without a moment's hesitation if they ever tried to harm a hair on his head.

He was her world and she'd be damned if anyone ever tried to take it away.

Satisfied, Relena turned her attention to the movie. Josh was her life, nobody could take him away, nobody.

First Fanfic! I hope you enjoyed it, if not, my apologies. I'm not the best writer but I try to be. No Heero yet, but don't worry, He's coming. Who's Relena's? Where is he now? What did he do? Who is Duo bringing to tomorrow's play date? Find out in the next chapter! R&R {^. ^}


	2. All You Need is Love

Secrets and Lullabies

_Chapter Two_: All You Need is Love

By Oblivious-Bystander

Sprawled about the sofa in yesterday's clothes, he starred up at the ceiling and wondered why they put holes in it. Was it for some sort of decoration or did it just come that way? He couldn't remember how long he had been there and could really care less. At least he wasn't in his bedroom.

At the very thought, a sound came from the hallway. He could have sworn he had heard is name but prayed to god that he hadn't.

"Heero?" said a muffled voice through the walls, louder than before..

It had been loud enough to make it out of the room but quiet enough to stay in the apartment. She should win a gold medal for that. It didn't seem like she could do it often.

Straightening, sighing heavily, he gave his phone one quick glance before facing his fate in the hallway: 2:28a.m., no messages or missed calls.

Standing up, cracking his back as he stretched, he rubbed the sleep away from his face before walking for his bedroom. Just before he got to the doorway, the voice was heard again.

"Heero!"

Pushing the door open, a little rougher than he planned considering it banged against the wall, he put himself into view of the monster in his bed.

The view would have been a good one to just any heterosexual man but he couldn't be fooled. There, no more than three feet away, sat a very naked woman, he knew because he made her that way a couple hours before, draped with very messy sheets. Her black hair was frizzy and a mess from sleep and previous activities. The cheeks on her round face were a bit flushed but her eyes were cold. They were always cold, always accusing.

"Where were you?" she began.

She was always this way. If he wasn't there beside her day and night, every hour and every minute, he was doing something unfaithful. He didn't understand why she thought that way considering he hadn't ever even touched another person until they were the one making the contact. He was just a bystander of the touching.

Shrugging, tired of continuous accusations, he made for the dresser for a change of clothes, "In the living room."

"Why were you in the living room and not in bed with me, your girlfriend, Heero? Why can't you just actually sleep with me without it being sexual? Were you talking to some other skank? Who is she, Heero? Who is she?"

_You just called yourself a skank smart one…_

It was the same thing every single time and he could care less what she thought any more. If she wanted to believe he was cheating on her, her loss. "Hn"

"And, what in the hell is that supposed to mean?"Cocking her head from side to side as if to prove a point that wasn't there

"It means whatever the hell you want it to mean, Vicky, I don't care anymore" dropping his pants to get into new ones, he didn't have the time to take a shower. She would join him without invitation.

"Don't call me Vicky! My name is Erin!" throwing the sheets away from her to reveal her naked body. It had worked in the past but he was now immune to her slim figure and big breasts. It was also something he was proud of, being able to deny her.

"I don't care what your name is. You're Icky Vicky. You're a selfish bitch. The name suits you" shedding his shirt for another one, a cleaner one without her scent on it.

She was appalled by his comment, absolutely appalled, "How dare you! You're lucky I put up with you!"

"Feels more like punishment to me but whatever you say, Vicky" slipping into sneakers in the closest. He had to get out of here, he didn't care what time it was.

"Asshole, stop calling me Vicky and get back into bed! What the hell are you doing?" watching him make for the door again in freshly clean attire.

"I'm going out to one of my other girlfriends. You know, since I'm such a pimp" with heavy sarcasm, slamming the door behind him to try to drown out her screams. It didn't work.

"Get back here, Heero! I own you! You're mine! I made you, Heero! Do you hear me? I made you!"

Her cries died off the further away he got. By the time he got three doors down, she was only as loud as a muffled TV. And by the time he was in the elevator, he was blessed with pure silence. The greatest gift ever made.

Smiling to himself for his short freedom, He tried to figure out exactly where he was headed. He hadn't planned on going anywhere, just out. But now that he was out, he wanted to put more distance between him and his girlfriend.

Thinking of the closest and most comfortable place, he started on the short 3 blocks up town, singing silently to himself the song from the Fairly Odd Parents, "Vicky, Vicky, You're so Icky…" until he was standing under a very tall apartment building far classier than his own.

Giving himself a moment to admire the buildings greatness, he headed towards the doorman, someone that he was very familiar with by now, "Andy"

"Good day to you, Heero" opening the door for him with a smile.

"Thanks. How's the fam?" pausing before he continued inside to finish their routine small talk

"They're wonderful. I'll tell them you said 'hi'"

"Alright, have a good night, Andy" stepping inside the door and to the elevator immediately on the other side

"You too, Heero"

Pressing the up button, he pondered the reason they had a down button. Was there an underground floor? Was it used for storage? Or, was it just a decorative button that nobody is supposed to think about?

With a ding, the doors slide open, allowing Heero entrance. Taking his time, he admired for the hundredth time the class of the elevator. It looked like a scene from the Titanic if that made any sense. Somehow, it did to him.

Inside, he pressed 13, the top floor, and watched the individual numbers above the door light up as he reached them, patiently waiting for 13. He didn't mind the wait or quiet elevator melodies. In fact, he sometimes just went up and down a couple times to just simply enjoy it. The peace.

With a hurried stop, the elevator doors slide back open, revealing the familiar red carpeted hallway with several rooms though most vacant because of the outrageous cost. It was a "rich person" building.

Stepping out, he made for room 78B at the end of the hall.

Stopping in front of a white wooden door on the right with the copper room number nailed to it, he banged on the door loudly and fiercely as if he were in trouble. Really, he just did it for fun. Really, he did it all the time.

Before too long, still banging on the door, it flew open almost making him hit the resident in the face on the other side. But, it didn't faze him in the least.

A very tired yet concerned looking man the same age as him stood in the doorway with messy blonde hair going every which a way, a blue robe, and pepper spray poised in the air near Heero's face before lowering it back to his side upon recognizing the intruder, "Heero, what's wrong?"

Chuckling at the sight, he motioned to the pepper spray before letting himself in, "You know that wouldn't have stopped an axe murderer. It isn't even on, Plus it's upside down and backwards" heading for the kitchen for a coke he knew his friend always had.

Eyeing the contraption in his hand, the blonde set it down on a table before re-bolting the door closed, joining Heero in the kitchen, squinting at the assault of bright florescent light, "You didn't answer my question"

"Nothing's wrong. I just needed to get out of the house and you're the closest" offering his friend a soda which he reluctantly took

"Vicky?" nodding knowingly, this had happened several times before

"Yeah, I hate being there. It's hardly even her anymore. I would have left whether she accused me of anything or not. I just hate that apartment" downing half of the coke, he didn't realize how thirsty he was. When was the last time he had anything to drink or eat? He couldn't remember.

"What's wrong with the apartment?" confused. It was a nice apartment compared to the other in the building, very nice.

"Nothing's wrong with it. It…It just doesn't feel like home anymore" sighing as if he just made a confession, which he very well might have

"Because you don't love her anymore…?" sipping at his own coke lightly from being bred to do nothing with haste, pinky up

"I guess so. I don't know what to do anymore, Quatre. I try to get long hours at work, and I'm looking for a second job to keep me busy but that won't keep me from ever going back there. And when I do go back its like stepping into a hospital or something…full of sorrow and grief"

'_Full of emotionless sex and loneliness' _he mentally corrected, but didn't want to say aloud. It would worry Quatre, everything did.

"Because of her?"

"No, not her, it just feels like I'm missing something that I can't find. Something's missing from that apartment and it drives me so crazy that I can't stand to be there"

They had had this conversation before, many times actually. It always ended up resulting in needing love. The apartment needed love, life. But, Heero didn't want to think of it that way. After all of Erin's bull, he didn't even want to try with love. Love was a weakness he didn't want to bear. It just had to be something else, right? Love never came without a price.

"You want to move in with Duo? He'll need a roommate to keep him on his feet when he moves here" changing the subject slightly. It wasn't ever an easy, stress free, conversation.

Considering it, he shook his head, "No, he said he found a girl he liked here right? A Hilde something?"

"Oh, that's right. Well they just started talking, they wouldn't move in together so soon would they?" a little appalled at the thought of it. But their friend did seem to move fast into relationships, ending them with equal speed

"I wouldn't put it past him but I'll talk to him about it. If not, there's always somebody in need of a roommate in this colony" shrugging it away

"You could move in with me, Heero. I have a lot of spare bedrooms. It's not like this place isn't already your home considering how often you come here" smile brightly at the thought. He would love to have someone to keep him company in the huge apartment. It was too much for one person.

"Sure, I'll think about it, Quatre. Thanks"

Nodding, they silently agreed to comfortable silence. Finishing off their cokes, they made for their bedrooms, Quatre to the master, Heero to the spare. He even had clothes in there since he came here so often. Maybe it would be a good idea to move in with Quatre.

Thinking, Heero lay comfortably alone in his bed. He was back where he started, just in a different place. But, this time, he thought about his repetitive conversation with Quatre. He thought about Erin.

He had met Erin in high school and she had followed him around in the background of his life, a small detail overlooked. One drunken night he had sex with her, he fell in love with her, she cheated on him, he grew a grudge against her but never left her, she accused him of cheating on her when he would stay out for hours, and he was flat out mean to her now. He didn't love her anymore, maybe he never did. But, he knew that was a lie.

It was just a game to him now to try to piss her off more and more after satisfying all his sexual desires when he had any. Plus, he didn't feel bad; she used him the exact same way. Their relationship was hardly anything but raging sex and accusations and he didn't want it.

Scowling at the thought of her, he couldn't imagine why he ever loved her but he had, maybe a part of him still did and it pained him to consider it.

And with the failed attempt to love and be loved back, he swore to never love anyone again.

He didn't want to. He didn't need to.

Quatre insisted that he needed a companion in his life. It was why he felt so empty. He needed the love that he had been denied. He needed family.

Though it made sense, Heero couldn't help to think that he was wrong. He had family, his friends were his family. He had loved something. But even when he had it all, he still felt something missing from it all.

It may not have been so noticeable but it was there nonetheless.

Sleepiness sweeping over him, he smirked at the thought of how pissed Erin would be when he never came back, not while she was home anyway.

With a short moment of happiness, he fell into a sleep.

He didn't need love.

He never would.

O.o so what do you think? Good? Bad? Great? Horrible? I stayed up all night writing this, so please R&R. Have mercy on my soul! Hope you enjoyed it. The next chapter will be coming soon…I hope. Thank you to those who do read this. We need some more 1xR stories that aren't from years ago.


	3. Maybe You Know Him

Secrets and Lullabies

_Chapter Three_: Maybe You Know Him

By Oblivious-Bystander

The light was a slap in the face. Throwing a hand up to try to fend it off, I rolled over. On the other side was a small child fast asleep. His face was red from being smothered against the pillow, long brown hair flared out and away from his body with a few single strands dangling in his face. Mouth slightly ajar, his breathing was slow and even. The rise and fall of his tiny chest seemed so fragile and delicate as if you only touched him he would crumple. But, he wouldn't. Most of all, it was so amazing how much you could love one person. It was amazing what you were willing to give.

Smiling to myself, I looked over his pajamas. They were his favorites and it was a hassle to get him to wear another pair. He called them his beddieby rocket suit. It was a full body footsie, navy blue. He called it his rocket suit because there were stars on them. He was a rocket shooting off to dance with the twinkling lights in the night sky. He said he wanted to be a pilot, a warrior, anything as long as he could venture off into the night sky. I could only hope he would grow out of it. I didn't want him having a life threatening career someday.

Glancing at the clock, 8:45pm, I forced myself into a sitting position, scratching my arms and rubbing the sleep away. Making sure I didn't wake him up, I slipped away from the bed and padded my way to the kitchen in black flannel pants and a Beatles shirt that said 'Let it be'. Flicking on the light, I opened the fridge to examine breakfast possibilities. I only frowned when I saw that there weren't many to choose from. I needed to go to the store when I got my next pay check… We were running low on necessities.

But, determined to make some sort of breakfast, I pulled out eggs, cheese, butter, orange juice, and bacon. It was classic but it was all that could be done. The only thing I looked forward to was a meal without any gummy experiments by my son, forcing me to experiment alongside him. And I wasn't settling for captain crunch. It wasn't every day I got the day off from work so that called for a real breakfast.

Placing a pan on the stove, which was worn and beaten from overuse, I flicked up the heat and plopped some butter on it, running it around the pan with my finger as it melted.

Hearing a thud and tap-tap-tap, I looked behind me to see a groggy Josh, rubbing his eyes. He must have followed his nose, "Whatcha doing, mommy?"

I couldn't help but smile at the sight and motioned him to join me, "What kind of eggs do you want?"

Putting him down to sit on the counter after I moved my ingredients to the island behind me, "Omelet" he said, after a moment's hesitation. He liked to weigh his options even though he always picked the same thing.

Nodding, I handed him an egg which sent a very bright morning smile play across his face. Cracking it carefully on the counter space he wasn't using, he pried it open over an Elmo bowl I held out to him. Handing him a matching fork, I let him break the yoke as I got a skillet out from the closet to set on the other side of the oven top, turning up the heat, placing individual strips of bacon on it, almost immediately sizzling.

"What are we doing today?" watching my every move, from pouring in the eggs, to flipping the bacon, to sprinkling pepper and salt, to flipping the egg (he always loved that part), and placing cheese in the center.

He always wanted to help but knew better to not get in the way until I let him. Last time he got popped with grease. He kept distance from the skillet after that.

"We going with Aunt Hilde to meet her new friend and some of his friends that we haven't met before" repeating the cooking process again for my own breakfast, allowing him to break and whip the yoke in his Elmo bowl.

"Does she like her new friend?" stealing a piece of bacon from a plate nearby. He always did. It was why I always made extra. You simply couldn't trust him to not eat them all.

"Yes, she likes her friend. It's why we're meeting him." ,sorting the food onto mismatched plates and filling two glasses with orange juice, plucking an Elmo straw into his. Elmo was the new big thing to him at the moment having become attached to Sesame Street.

"But does she like him like all the other friends we met?" jumping down to sit in his booster seat at the kitchen table, waiting for his plate and also my answer. I doubt he even knew which he wanted more.

"Yeah she likes him like that but" leaning down to kiss his cheek as placed a plate in front of him before settling into my own chair across from him, "she seems to like him better than all the rest of her friends"

He looked stricken and pale with a fork full of egg floating in the center of his open mouth before muttering out, "better than me?" forgetting about his food all together.

I felt bad for laughing considering he was so serious, but the way he was so worried was incredibly cute and adorable, "Oh no, baby, she couldn't like anyone better than she likes you! You're her favorite little monster!" doing my best to convince him, "But I didn't mean friends as in you and Hilde, I meant friends as in a…husband and wife"

It was a little over the top to say husband and wife but I wasn't sure if he would even understand what a boyfriend and girlfriend were. With the two simple words he knew put together, I was almost positive he would think Hilde was his girlfriend.

Understanding washed over his face and he nodded quickly with a mouthful of bacon he had attacked after being convinced Hilde didn't like her new friend better than him, beaming confidently, "So I'm still Hilde's favorite?"

"You're still Hilde's favorite" taking a small bite from my omelet, shaking my head. He was adorable, absolutely adorable.

It didn't take long till he was done and scampered off to the TV for Sesame Street while I washed the dishes. He loved that show, especially Elmo. It was a cute show, don't get me wrong, but after a couple of months of listening to it, it could get annoying.

Whipping down the counter with a rag, I looked for anything at all to clean to stay busy. Sesame Street was almost over but still had about 15 more minutes left. I hated to interrupt his show. He hated it even more.

Finding nothing in the kitchen, I went to the bedroom we shared to make the bed and pick up our clothes from yesterday that lay scattering the floor and adding them to the clothes we had to take to the Laundry Quick and Clean a couple blocks over. We'd have to go tomorrow after my second shift at Ralph's Diner; we were running low on clean clothes.

Glancing at the digital alarm clock again on my nightstand, I saw that I still had 8 minutes to spare till his show would be over, credits and all, which still felt like eternity.

Deciding to take a quick shower, I picked out the clothes I would wear on our little outing. It didn't take long, being a mom; I had lost interest in taking hours picking out a simple outfit for one evening.

Settling on a pair of faded jeans, blue converse, a shirt that said 'come as it may', with a blue long sleeved plaid shirt, I got into the shower that I had left to heat up. It took a couple minutes for the hot water to get to the bathroom considering the water heater was clear across the apartment, one of the many downsides of the apartment's layout.

Rushing, not liking to leave Josh alone for long periods of time, I shampooed and conditioned my hair, scrubbed my body, washed my face, rinsed off and got out in under 10mins. It was something I had grown to be proud of considering I used to take hour long showers.

Plugging up the tub, I let the water run for Josh's bath as I got dressed, rolling my long dirty blonde hair up in a towel.

Plunking a tooth brush into my mouth, I ventured to the living room, "Time for your bath, Josh" which muffled and hard to understand, even to my hears. I already dreaded trying to get Josh to brush his own teeth. It was like trying to give a dog a bath when it was deathly afraid of water.

When I emerged from the hallway, I found him pulling a chair in front the door, something he was definitely not supposed to do.

"What are you doing" accusingly, clearer having pulled the brush from my mouth but struggling to keep toothpaste from dribbling out instead.

He turned around quickly, guilty, "Someone knocked on the door" jerking his hand away from the bolt that was preventing him from opening it.

Picking him up, pulling the chair away, unlocking the door and opening it, I refusing to argue so early in the morning with someone as stubborn as a mule.

On the other side was Hilde, dressed up in a black ruffled skirt that grazed the top of her knees, blue leggings, skater shoes, bullet for my valentine t-shirt and a jacket three times too big for her petite frame, "Hilde, I thought you were going to call"

She never really told me she would call before hand, I had just assumed. But, then again, she was one to stop by in the middle of the night to just discuss her recent date that just ended. She needed someone to talk to and she wasn't a phone person. Everything had to be done in person or it wasn't a true conversation.

She was already smiling, excited, "I figured I would just wait for his call here and we'd go together."

With that being said, I concluded she wasn't just anxious, she was nervous too which a big deal, Hilde wasn't a shy person with confidence. She was quite the opposite.

Letting herself in, she plopped on the couch and went through channels. I didn't have to tell her to make herself at home, she just did. She always did and it saved time.

Before Josh could join her, and I knew how bad he wanted to, I led him to the bathroom so he could take his bath and I could finish getting ready. He didn't really mind bathes, in fact, he loved them. He always had, ever since his very first bath.

He splashed around, made waves, pretended to be a scuba diver, anything he could come up with. Because of this, I had more than enough time to finish brushing my teeth, blow dry my hair, brush it out, clip the sides of it back, and apply a small amount of makeup but enough to still be noticeable. I wanted to make a good impression but I was still a mom, there was no need for makeup and nice clothes. They would get ruined in a heartbeat with a soon-to-be five year old running about.

Letting Josh have all the fun he wanted, I got him some pants and a batman shirt with matching shoes, undies, plus a cape for good measure. He had an imagination so why not?

After getting him out, forcing him to brush his teeth even if it came down to me having to do it myself but not without a fight, I got him dressed and sent him back to the living room to join Hilde so I could make a list of things I would need from the store when we went, estimate how much it would cost, and see if there would be enough money left for extra things on the side for Josh. I couldn't always afford it but I tried my best to be able to get him new things. It wasn't an often luxury so It was always a big deal when he did. It made me feel good to know he appreciated my hard work.

Pulling out my planner from the diaper bag I still used for a purse and Josh's stuff, I found a time to go do laundry and grocery shopping. I was always busy, working day and night, taking Josh with me only when there was absolutely nobody to watch him, doctor's appointments, paydays, rent, electric and water bill and plus I had to keep up with what I spent so I could estimate how much money I have at all times. For me, everything had to be organized and planned out before hand.

It was a hard life being a single mother but I was determined to keep it that way. I didn't need the distraction of a romance and I stayed away from Josh's father for multiple reasons. Someday, maybe, I would try to settle down but not until my life was under control and steady. And, I didn't know when that would be or if it ever would.

Stuffing things into the diaper bag like candy bars and baby wipes for my messy son, I heard the phone ring from the other room. I knew it wasn't mind because it had a real ringtone; mine was just simple noise in order to get my attention.

"Hello? Duo? Hi how are ya!" rang through the house. It was obvious she was still nervous but men were stupid, maybe he didn't notice.

Pulling the bag over my shoulder, I turned off the lights and went into the living room to find Josh jumping on the couch beside Hilde as she talked. Snapping my fingers and throwing my finger down, he stopped cautiously, landing on his rear instead of his feet. He knew better than to do that.

Clicking the phone shut, Hilde pulled back on the coat that had thrown across the couch and slipped back into her shoes, "We're meeting him for lunch at Romeo's so his friends can meet him there. Midi and Cathy are meeting us at the store later after we leave the bank"

"Why are we going to the store?" reaching into my bag for my planner, I would just go grocery shopping today.

"It's just something to do. It's a way to get to know a person, by what they get or want"

I found it best to not comment. You could find all that stuff out with words too but Hilde was always a strange one. Maybe it could be fun. And if it wasn't, I could always just take Josh to the park early.

It didn't take long to get to Romeo's; it was just a couple blocks away like everything else was. Duo was already there waiting for us. I quickly approved though I didn't like judging on first appearances.

"Hilde, babe, you look stunning" giving her a quick hug with a wink before looking back at me and Josh, You must be Relena!" throwing his arms around me, heaving me off my feet as if I was only a few ounces. Most people shook hands, I guess not all people.

Before I could return the hug, he was already taking a step back to greet Josh.

"And you must be the infamous Josh! High-five little man!" But not just any high-five, he was up high, down low, to the side, by the eye and up the nose. All I can say is that he had a sense of humor.

Smiling, glancing up at Hilde, I could only smile wider to see the look on her face, pure love. I guess love at first sight was real or in this case, second sight.

Looking down to Josh, I found that he loved Duo too, a possible playmate in the nearby future. I only hoping he wouldn't be too disappointed if he and Hilde didn't work out.

When the wind started to make it chilly, Duo ushered us inside and to a booth he had reserved with a jacket and shoes. It was then that I realized he hadn't been wearing any. Maybe he would be a bad influence on Josh…

Scooting Josh across the seat, placing the diaper bag on the floor by my feet, I looked over his kids menu the waiter gave Josh before deciding he would probably prefer to order from mine; handing it to him so he could look at it even though he couldn't read it. It made him feel a lot older to have the adult menu.

Hilde immediately handed me hers so she could share with Duo. I didn't protest, I knew she wanted to use the excuse to be able to get closer to him. I didn't blame her. If I were in her place I would probably want that opportunity too.

Reading over her menu quickly, I decided on the Chicken monster, a chicken sandwich, and put it down to read over the dishes to Josh so he could decide. Before I was done, a waiter appeared at the table, "What can I get you guys to drink?" he was young and looked inexperienced.

Pulling out a notebook and pen, looking at us in question, and then settling her eyes on me when no one answered, I hadn't even thought about a drink.

"Uh, Diet Coke, please" and motioning to Josh, "Pepsi"

Josh smiled brightly at the treat. He didn't get to have soda often, mostly just juice and milk.

Hilde and Duo both ordered sweet tea, something I was never a fan of.

Turning back to Josh, finishing the menu, he decided on the chicken tenders. I already knew he would, but he always liked pretending like there might be something else he could want. Maybe he would if he knew what anything else was.

Placing his menu on mine, I was startled to see three me men standing at our table. It must have been Duo's friends by the looks of them. They certainly looked our age.

They just stood there a moment until I realized why there were standing, having josh scoot over, I made room for at least one of them to sit down. Duo and Hilde did the same.

A man with wild brown hair sat beside me and a blonde sat beside Hilde while a Chinese looking man pulled up a chair. I was surprised how crowded it was. Maybe we would need another table.

Sudden shyness ran over me at all the men at the table, especially towards the one beside me. It felt like years since I ever gave the opposite sex a second glance, which made me feel twice my age.

Glancing at him from the corner of my eye as the waiter came to take their orders and give us our drinks; I noticed how blue his eyes were. They were Prussian blue, a blue I had never seen on a person. And, when he spoke, it was full and strong but almost quiet like he didn't do it often. He didn't look like the shy type though. And, with one glance at his long brown locks, I hoped Josh wouldn't admire it in any way and not brush his hair anymore which reminded me, I didn't brush his hair this morning.

Just when I was about to make sure Josh's hair wasn't in a wild mane, he looked at me and slowly gave me what I could only assume to be a greeting smile. It wasn't a big smile, the corners of his mouth barely rose but either way, I could only hope I wasn't blushing.

"Hi, I'm Heero, Heero Yuy" trying to hold out his hand in the cramped space but eventually gave up with a shrug without a word about it.

"Relena Dorlian, pleased to meet you, and this is my son" gesturing to Josh on the other side of me, "Josh"

I could see the shock on his face, him looking back and forth from and me and Josh looking for a resemblance that was easy to find in all the right places till I finally said, "I had him when I was younger…It…It wasn't planned" trying hard to keep my composure. I hated thinking about the bringing of Josh. But, I felt obligated to defend myself for some reason.

He could only nod, looking up when Duo started the introductions, "Guys, this is Hilde, the gal I told you about and this" making Hilde shine bright than she already was and gesturing with his hand to me and Josh, "is Relena and her son Josh, Hilde's closest friends"

I could tell he gave them time to take in that he was my son, not someone I was babysitting. They all looked surprised and one disgusted, "Ladies, this" pointing to the other side of Hilde "is Quatre" and then pointing to the one at the end of the table, "Wufei" and to the one beside me, "Heero"

"Pleasure" we all said in unison and then taking a moment to laugh about it, except Josh who sat quietly, thinking hard about something. I was about to guess when he spoke, hushing everyone else at the table.

"Duo, why do you girl hair?" eyeing the big long braid resting against Duo's shoulder with interest. Hopefully he wouldn't get any hair ideas from him either.

"Yeah, Duo, why do you have girl hair?" the one at the end mocked. I was starting to not like him so much…though I wasn't one to make first impressions so soon. I could make an exception though…

"I just like it, Josh. It's something special to me and I believe my mother used to have one" ignoring the one called Wufei and just smiled at Josh. I could tell he liked children which made me approve even more.

"Why doesn't she have one now?" eager to start conversation. He wasn't shy in the least which he didn't get from me.

"She's in a better place, buddy" smiling sadly at my son, obviously hoping that would be enough for the little boy on the subject

At that I panicked. Josh didn't know what that meant yet and I really didn't want him to continue his swarm of questions like I knew he would, "Duo, uh, you have quite a few friends, more than I do and I'm a friend-aholic" Picking the first thing I could see, and trying to change the subject from his deceased mother.

Hopefully he caught on, "Yeah and I hope they can come to be your and Hilde's friends too, Lena. Can I call you Lena? Or would you rather Rel?" chuckling lightly to himself

'_A nickname, why would he give me a nickname?'_

"Either one's….fine" subconsciously running my fingers through Josh's hair to try to tame what I wasn't sure was there. I really should have brushed his hair this morning.

"Well, Lena, I actually have another one on Earth, his name is Trowa. Hilde said you came from Seattle?"

I froze at the name. I knew him and I didn't like how. There was only a handful of Trowa's out there so it had to be…

"Yes, I did" suddenly feeling uncomfortable. Hilde could see it, she knew as well. She had known Trowa too and…

"Maybe you know him! It's Trowa Barton and…" suddenly excited at how small the world was.

Cutting him off before he had the chance to say what I really didn't want him to say, "I know him, he used to be a good friend of mine" it was only half a lie, really. He was a friend of mine and I did know him but…

"Well great! He's coming up to move here and one of his friends is helping him with his stuff" stopping a moment before rubbing his neck in thought, "…what's his name…started with a D…"

Before I could stop myself, I said his name, the very name…the very person I had tried so hard to avoid, "Daniel"

Duo's face lit up and snapped his fingers, "That's it! You know him too, huh? I've never met him but I heard that he-"

Heero cut him off suddenly; eyeing me curiously "Is something wrong?"

It was then I realized that I was gripping the corner of the table turning my knuckled white, sweating uncomfortably. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tell them the truth that was for sure. I didn't even know these people, "…I.." struggling for any sentence at all. I wasn't even sure If I could say the sky was blue at the moment.

Saving me, Hilde took hers, mine, and Duo's menus and gave them to the newcomers, "here you need to figure out what you want to order before the waiter gets back" the very waiter that had failed to bring them their own. But, right now that waiter was a life saver with blessed mistakes. He'd be getting a generous tip.

Looking down at Josh, I could see that he recognized the name and was watching Duo and Hilde talk with blank interest. There was no reason to why Josh would recognize the name.

Daniel was his father.

And, he was coming up here to L1.

All I knew was that I couldn't let him find out about us being here.

I couldn't let him find his son.

If he ever found out, all my fighting would have been for nothing. Everything would be for nothing.

Wrapping my arm around Josh protectively, I broke into Duo and Hilde's conversation,

"Duo, could you do me a favor…"

Thanks for the two reviews I've gotten so far. It encouraged me to stay up all night to write this :) Anyway, so Daniel's coming to L1! What happened between him and Relena? Why is she avoiding him? What is this small spark between her and Heero? Find out in the next chapter to come! woohoo! I'll try to write it soon and quickly so i can get up here as fast as possible. thanks again. R&R


	4. Surprise Surprise

Secrets and Lullabies

_Chapter Four_: Surprise Surprise

By Oblivious-Bystander

"Duo, could you do me a favor…"

Hilde and Duo stopped talking, looking at me curiously, mouths still open from unfinished sentences. My sudden question wasn't an expected one.

After an awkward moment of silence that seemed to drift around the table, Duo finally broke into one of his easy grins that I had already become familiar with in the past half hour in his presence, "Sure thing, princess" turning his body away from Hilde, to give me his full attention.

Ignoring the new addition to the growing list of nicknames, I cleared my throat, avoiding Hilde's worried expression, "It's about Trowa and Daniel…" feeling the rest of the table's residents watching me, especially Heero, "I don't want them to know I'm here"

Duo's grin dropped almost instantly, confused, "But you know them right? Why would you-"

Cutting him off to save myself from a series of questions sure to come, I lied, something I wasn't fond of doing "I want to surprise them on my own time. But, you can't give them any hint or anything to cause suspicion" feeling Josh stir out of my protective hold. He knew I was uneasy.

A mischievous smile broke across his face, a smile I knew I could somehow trust, "Sure thing, princess. I love surprises" turning his attention back to Hilde immediately, who was cocking her head to the side, eyeing me, asking a thousand questions without saying a word.

Ignoring it once again, along with the rest of the table, I turned my attention to small child beside me, the one person who wouldn't question me. Or, I was hoping he wouldn't.

'_I won't let Daniel find you…ever' _I silently promised him, resisting the urge to hold him close.

Eyeing his slumped figure in the booth, I felt guilty for how bored he was already, oblivious to the mountain of worries building up inside me.

He looked so tiny with his feet dangling off the chair, elbows propped up on the seat beneath him, unable to see across the table now, horribly bored. The scowl forming on his face was still incredibly adorable.

Scanning the table, which was pretty much empty aside from our end of the table's drinks (the waiter had failed to get the rest of the groups order), I looked for anything safe or interesting enough for him to fiddle with. Frowning, there was nothing there but menus, napkins, and silverware wrapped in cloth.

Twiddling my thumbs in thought, I got an idea.

Quickly, in lame attempt, I put my index and middle finger on the table for pretend legs, and "walked" towards Josh across the tabletop, "who goes there!" dropping my voice, failing to sound like a man. If I couldn't find something for him to play with, I would make him something to play with. I refused to let my stress prevent him from having fun like a child was supposed to.

Immediately straightening, Josh's fingers mimicked mine on the table, calling out in his quiet innocent voice, "It is I, your worst nightmare!" kicking his fingers out for dramatic effect, "I am your genii, I heard you had a death wish, mwuahahaha!" charging at my hand with awkward steps on the table. Where he got this stuff, I didn't know.

Backing away, forgetting the world around me even if for just a moment, I gave way to the imaginary world Josh visited so often, "You'll never catch me!" throwing my hand back high into the air, very unrealistic but so was a genii.

Copying me, throwing his hand up as high as his little arm would allow him while staying in the seat; he impersonated a series of ninja kicks, flicking my hand person to the tabletop once more, "Ahhhh" sprawling my hand out when it hit the table, groaning from the agony of the mega flick, "you…how could you defeat me?" disgusted by my defeat.

"Because I am….awesome" breaking character to start laughing, I couldn't prevent myself from joining him, glancing up, to only freeze in mid 'ha'. The entire table was watching our little game, smiling at our immaturity. At least he had an excuse; he was soon-to-be five.

"What?" completely embarrassed, almost trying to deny that that was me playing hand people with Josh. But, I wasn't ashamed of it.

None answered, and my embarrassment only grew to find our waiter standing there as well, watching, a pad and pen tucked away under his arm, hands folded in front of him. How long had he been standing there?

Feeling the heat growing in my face, I scratched my neck, looking at anything but the people staring at me.

Pulling the pad and pen back out from under his arm, the waiter looked at the new members of our group, "what can I get you gentlemen to drink?" Freeing me from the group's never-ending grin

In surprise unison, they all said, "Pepsi" gaining Josh's attention for a brief moment before settling back into his slump on the seat, taking his glass of pepsi with him.

Scribbling it down, he continued, "Are you all ready to order or will you be needing another minute?" to even looking up as he spoke.

Just like any other time a group of people go out to eat, we all exchanged unsure glances before one, Duo, answered in reply, "Nah, I think we're ready"

And then again, we all pause, unsure on who should order first, and again, Duo volunteers, "Mega Max" a huge cheeseburger from what I heard. From there, it went in order around the table, to Hilde, to Quatre, Wufei, to Heero, and to me and Josh, all our orders varying from each others.

"So, Hilde, Duo tells me you two went on a date yesterday?" Quatre broke the silence before it could even happen. The rest of the group, including myself, listened.

Blushing madly, she nodded, "Yes, we did. He was very sweet and I asked him out today because I had to introduce him to Relena"

At the mention of my name, the crowd of men looked at me curiously before Hilde continued, "She's been my best friend since before I can remember. I was even there when Josh was born, the only one actually" hissing at the memory, not even thinking about how much information she actually just gave.

Quatre, a very sweet man I had figured out, looked at me with sympathy, "Why? Where was his father? What about your family?"

Cursing Hilde under my breath, I glanced down at Josh who was also waiting for my answer, sipping at his pepsi; he didn't know this story either. He didn't know anything about his relatives or father other than his name and that he was a bad man. What more was there to say?

Catching Heero's eye as I looked up, I saw something I didn't really understand, anger. Ignoring it for the most part, I was ignoring a lot of things today; I focused on answering Quatre as quickly as possible.

"Well, my parents are dead. I don't have any aunts, uncles, cousins, or grandparents. I did have a brother, Milliardo or Zechs, a nickname of his, but around the time I was old enough to really take care of myself, he disappeared. I haven't heard from him since I was 16.

Hilde's family took care of me for the most part before they got divorced and abandoned us both when we were 18" catching Hilde's shrug as everybody glanced at her, "And, as for Josh's father… well I left him before I knew I was pregnant. And, when I did find out about Josh, I didn't want him to know."

It was all a little nonchalantly said but by now, all of it I could really care less about.

Peering from one face to the other, the only one not really effected by my confession aside from Josh was Wufei but that didn't surprise me. I have only known him for a short amount of time and I already felt like I knew his habits to not give a shit.

Nobody said anything; there wasn't anything really to say. I didn't want pity.

Tension filled the table before quiet chatter rose little by little as if each conversation was afraid to break the silence, almost pretending I hadn't said anything at all. I was better that way.

Hilde was having small talk with Quatre, Heero and Wufei were acknowledging each other in a conversation-like way, and Duo was chatting up Josh. A little out of the loop at the moment, I settled back into the solid plastic booth, and let my mind take over. It was a mistake I quickly regretted.

Immediately, my thoughts ran to Daniel. When was he coming? Did he already know I was here? Would it somehow slip? Would he find me? There were so many questions, none of which I could find the answer to.

I could still feel him on me, his rough hands…

"So how long have you been on L1?"

Startled, I found Heero starring down at me, amused.

"Oh, uh, about…" astonished that I couldn't remember, "five years. I moved here when I was twenty, you?" Hoping I could regain composer, but all I could gain was a fascination with his eyes, they were so blue, so beautiful, so inviting, so-

"I've been here all my life, moved around a bit, but always on L1… Where did you move from?" pausing for a moment, taking in my dreamy stare. I couldn't help it and it infuriated me that I couldn't control myself with him beside me. I didn't need a romance right now, not that he would be interested. What was wrong with me?

Tearing my eyes away from his blue orbs, I took in his face next; it was just as perfect, "Earth. I am a full blooded Earthling, like Duo said, from Seattle with Trowa and…" I couldn't bring myself to finish the thought. I had just stopped thinking about him thanks to this gorgeous man; I didn't want to think about him again, ever.

"Oh, that's right. I'm sorry, I forgot." Almost really looking sincere, it didn't look like a common look for him.

"Don't mention it. So, umm, tell me about yourself." Not exactly wanting the conversation to end, glancing back to Josh to make sure he was still being entertained. Duo was leaning across the table to show him a game on his phone, how sweet of him. I greatly approve.

Pausing slightly, Heero ran his fingers through his hair, doing nothing to tame it, "Uh, well, I live downtown with my girlfriend of a couple of years…" glancing down at me a little unsure.

I wasn't expecting him to have a girlfriend and I didn't really like the thought, but I fought with my expressions to not let it show, "Oh, well that's nice." Lying. "I didn't expect you to have one of those" laughing lightly, lame joke.

"Oh, I don't want to be with her. She cheated on me awhile back but insists I'm the one cheating on her…" looking at Josh for a moment, "by now, it's really just a sex thing"

I could feel my cheeks burning madly again, sex. I wasn't expecting him to just come out and say that. I didn't know what to think, all I could focus on was warding off an invasion of mental images with a faceless woman, "Oh, well that's…interesting. What's her name?"

'_You know, the girl you have sex with. My word, Relena Dorlian, get a hold of yourself!'_

Watching me, raising an eyebrow, he waited a moment. I couldn't really figure out why though, "Erin Black" It was like the name burned his tongue.

For some reason, the name sounded so familiar but I couldn't place it. _Erin…Erin…Erin_…I didn't know any Erin's.

Unsure of what to say, I just smiled up at him hoping it would be enough, and to my surprise he returned it, in fact he found it amusing, or I thought he did, "Why are you smiling"

Uh…. "I was always told…When you've nothing to say, smile it away…that was a lie, I just made that up…" shrugging, adding another smile for good measure. Why wouldn't get my mind to cooperate?

"Well, it makes sense; I might have to use that someday" still smiling. He looked even more handsome while smiling. I almost sighed in content.

"Well, it's free. So, have at it.", glancing down at Josh again.

I had to do a double-take sharply. Feeling my tension, Heero leaned over trying to see what Josh was looking at. On Duo's phone was a photo of two men, one with tall with brown hair hanging effortlessly over an eye, Trowa. The other was an equally tall man, if not taller, with short brown hair, pale skin, and green eyes.

Josh was staring intently at the screen.

It felt like my heart was going to burst from my chest. Ripping the phone away, I met Josh's questioning gaze, he knew. What could I say to him?

Looking back down at the picture, I examined the background. When I couldn't figure it out, I looked up to Duo, who was looking a little worried, "Where was this taken, do you know?"

"L1 shuttle port…why?" taking back the phone back that I had handed across the table. I didn't even notice that the waiter had returned with our food and their drinks.

"They're already here?" afraid my voice was trembling, reaching down for my bag on the floor

"Yeah, it was a surprise of their own. They wanted to meet us at the park later…I know you wanted to surprise them but can't you just hide behind a tree or something?" smiling a little at the thought

Ignoring the suggestion, I strived for information, "Where are they staying?" digging through the diaper bag, Josh sitting in a state of silent panic.

"With Quatre on 43rd street till Trowa finds a permanent residence bu-"his eyebrows furrowing, confused.

"What about Daniel?" The name tempted to gag me, finding what I was looking for in the bag in my lap.

"What about him?" watching me pull out a wallet and glancing at Hilde who was growing a little pale, watching me as well.

"Is he staying? Is he going back? What is he doing?" Pulling out a couple bills, all the money I had at the moment.

"He's staying tonight and going home tomorrow. What are you doing!" gawking in disbelief as I threw the money on the table, picked up josh, stood up in the seat, stepped over the back of the booth into the empty one on the other side, jogging for the door without even asking Heero to move, "I have to go!"

There were calls behind me, footsteps, and a whole lot of gossiping but I ignored it. I had to go, I had to leave. Daniel was on L1 and he was close by, I just needed to get somewhere more secure than-

Josh squirmed, fighting to get out of my grip, terrified, making me stop, "What, honey?" pressing a hand to his face, checking for fever.

"Relena?"

My heart grew rapid and stopped just as quickly.

_Thump_

Shifting uncomfortably, I slowly looked up from the floor, afraid of the truth in front of me.

_Thump-Thump_

Putting Josh out of sight… I struggled to calm down

_Thump-Thump_

Backing away, shaking my head, I was ready to break down and cry. Squeezing my eyes shut, I looked into their face.

_Thump _

"Daniel"

Guys, it took me **FOREVER** to write this stupid chapter. I'm not really happy with it. I think it could be better. But...what are your opinions on it? Like? hope so. R&R pwetty pwease.


	5. It's Complicated

Secrets and Lullabies

_Chapter Five_: It's Complicated.

By Oblivious-Bystander

"I have to go!" Relena said, scrambling over the back of the seat, away from me, away from the table, away from the phone, and on the run. It happened so fast, I couldn't really form a thought let alone a question. If I could have, I don't even know what I would have asked. Oh…probably "where are you going?"

Blinking a few dozen times, I looked at the remaining occupants of the table, back at the retreating woman, and back to remaining party. Nobody, expect maybe Hilde, knew what just happened.

Duo's jaw was practically on the floor, muttering and gasping for air, just as confused as me. Wufei was wide eyed, staring after her, shaking his head, "Injustice" It was his favorite word to say.

Quatre was darting after her, followed by Hilde who was beyond tears screaming, "Relena! Relena, come back!" forgetting all about Duo, not that he noticed.

Gazing down at the imprints of where she and her son sat, I tried to figure out what was so horrible about the people on the phone. Before I was successful, I noticed her blue diaper bag abandoned in the seat, "Shit"

Grabbing it, I went in the direction Quatre and Hilde went, still trying to figure out the situation. Why would someone just up and run out the restaurant, let alone over the seat? Couldn't she have asked me to move? It's not like I would have bitten her head off.

Then I got a disturbing thought_. 'Did I say something to scare her? …No, no she left because of the people on the phone'_

Scanning the crowds of people, I saw them in a group by the entrance. Relieved I wouldn't have to tow a diaper bag everywhere, I slowed down, "Hey, Relena, you forgot your-"

"Daniel"

I stopped, suddenly feeling out of place. But, just as suddenly, I felt a powerful need to get closer, guard, protect. Her voice, her voice was shaking and hardly audible in the loud restaurant filled with laughter and clattering plates.

When I was an arm's length away from them, I saw Quatre by Trowa, alarmed, pointing, speaking, hopping up and down, and watching Relena. Hilde had Relena by the elbow, trying to pull her away but so it seemed, had little success. Relena might as well been bolted to the floor.

"It's good to see you again, Relena…" the man said, taking a step forward. She responded by backing away.

"Is that Josh?" reaching out to touch the boy, still inching forward, closer and closer to her.

"Get away!"

She was trembling, hoarse, obviously crying, terrified, but her tone was solid and firm. She was braver than I thought and I could almost see her tiny muscles flexing tighter and tighter around Josh, crushing him into her side.

'_I have to get her out of here'_

Before I knew what I was saying, it was too late to turn back, "Relena, didn't you say you needed to go to the store?" speaking a little louder to cut through her selective hearing.

She glanced over her shoulder, and after a hesitant moment she nodded, glancing down at her diaper bag, "Thank you for going back to get that while I took Josh to the restroom" throwing a unsure smile at me, "when you've got to go, you've got to go" and it was true, in more than one way apparently.

Adjusting Josh on her hip, she glanced back to Hilde, and gave a small comforting smile that did absolutely nothing to calm down the girl who was clenching and unclenching her fists, shaking her head.

Leaning over, close to her ear, Hilde whispered, but loud enough that I could still here, but I don't know if that was what she intended, "I'm worried about you, Relena. You can't-"

'_She can't what?'_

Relena cut her off with a look in my direction before turning back around and putting as much distance between her and the new guy as possible, running her hand over Trowa's shoulder as she passed. To my surprise, I was overwhelmed with jealousy. Nevertheless, I followed her outside and quietly behind her, but not without glaring at the guy, till we got to a cheap store, one that I only used on dire occasions.

"You really needed to go to the store?" watching her put Josh in the seat of one of the beaten down carts, placing her bag in its basket and gazing over the poorly lit grocery store, scrunching my nose at an odd smell that I couldn't place.

"Yeah, I figured I'd get it done while I was out" stopping suddenly, looking around, "do they have an ATM here?" patting her pockets.

"Uh, I'm not sure." glancing around for an employee. Spotting one, I used the methods of Duo, "Oi, you over there! Yeah, you! No-no-no, keep doin what your doin, I just have a question. Do you have an ATM?" smirking at how well it got his attention, it saved time.

After a moment the guy, who desperately needed a large supply of proactive, pointed to the back of the store and returned to his job of stacking cans into a pyramid. Only this time, he was moving a lot faster.

"It's back there?" turning back to Relena, not exactly sure if she was paying attention. But, how could she not when I just screamed two feet away from her?

She just stared at me, shaking her head slightly, "Do you always get things done that way?" pushing the cart to the aisle at the end. The sign above it said something about canned food. Sadly, that wasn't what I was concerned about. I was absorbing myself into her retreating image, mostly her rocking hips and slim waist, creating the perfect hourglass shape but better.

'_You have a girlfriend. You have a girlfriend. You have a girlfriend…Your girlfriend cheated on you. Screw your girlfriend. Oh, wait, you already did.'_

I was so lost in thought that I collided into her when she stopped at an area of canned stuff (the sign was right), crying out slightly, "Hey, what are you-" jerking her head around, her hair slapping my face. It smelled like peaches.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry! I wasn't thinking" throwing my hands up, backing away a couple steps

'_Correction, you were thinking too much and inappropriately'_

She just stared again, curiously, before turning back to the canned food, picking one up every so often to look at the ingredients, "I got the impression that you weren't so…" twirling her hand around, looking for the word, "…rowdy back at the restaurant" putting the can back on the shelf and moving further down.

I won't lie to myself. That was the first time anyone had ever described me as rowdy, "Oh, no, I'm not" observing the canned fruits on my right.

Stopping, looking at me again, she smirked a little with a raised eyebrow, "Then why are you now all of a sudden? Nervous?"

'_You're the one nervous with your eyes darting everywhere at each little sound'_

"Nervous, why would I be nervous?" picking up a can of peas, wrinkling my nose, "this stuff is disgusting"

Immediately, Josh agreed, stretching to look around his mother "I know!" and looking up at her, "See mom, he thinks they're gross too!" bouncing a little, excited about this new similarity.

"I never said they weren't gross, I said they're good for you" throwing a glare at me. What did I say?

Ignoring it, I changed the subject, "So…who's Daniel?" running into her again when she stopped. Maybe she was doing it on purpose to get close to me but her tension told me otherwise.

"He's just somebody I used to know" grabbing a couple of cans of spaghetti O's and cups of noodles, a little hasty.

"Then why were you afraid of him?" getting the box of rice she couldn't reach for her at the top of the shelf, just out of her reach.

"I'm not afrai-"jerking the box away from me

"That's why you were trembling right? And, that's why Hilde was so frantic?" watching her back as she retreated away, tense, very, very tense.

I had been avoiding the subject for her sake since we left the restaurant, but now, something seemed terribly wrong, I didn't like wrong things "Why won't you just admit you were-"

She cut me off by charging at me, spinning with a squeak from her shoe, leaving the cart and Josh only a couple feet away, "I wasn't _afraid_ of him! I was _shocked_! He isn't supposed to be here, alright? _Drop it_!" stomping back over, grabbing things blindly off the shelves and throwing them into the cart.

Sadly for her, I wasn't a quitter. She was only adding more fuel to the fire.

"No, I won't _drop it_. I'm very concerned and you're just making it worse by the way you're acting. If you would just-" chasing after her in a slow run until she turned on me again, redder in the face, jabbing her finger into my chest. She had long nails.

"Why should I tell _you_ anything? I don't know you. You don't know a _thing_ about me. Thank you for getting me out of there, I appreciate it, but I don't have to tell you a _damn_ thing."

Josh threw is hand over his mouth, shaking his head, "um-mum-mum-mum! You said a bad word!"

Defeated, she smiled apologetically at Josh before turning back around reluctantly, "I'm sorry. I'm stressed. I'm scared. I'm worried and I'm taking it out on you…someone I met less than an hour ago" absently fixing Josh's hair.

"You're wrong" stuffing my hands into my pockets, fiddling with the lint pressed into the corners

"What do you mean?" furrowing her eyebrows, frowning

"I _do_ know about you" smirking slightly, "You're name is Relena Dorlian and you have a son named Josh who you had when you were younger. You have dirty blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes, a slender body, and you're from Earth. You're Hilde's best friend, you met Trowa and what's-his-face in Seattle, you moved here five years ago and…you like chicken, otherwise you wouldn't have ordered a chicken sandwich for lunch" I loved being right, loved it so much I was almost cocky

She just shook her head, almost speechless, "That's…that's hardly enough to say you know me…"

"Yeah, but it's enough. As your savior I want one answer in return for payback for being dragged to this" looking around, "dump" cocking an eyebrow up, giving her the infamous 'I get what I want when I want it' smile

She scowled turning back to the cart, "I did _not_ drag you here. You didn't have to come; you came on your own freewill." Shoving the cart forward when the wheels refused to roll, earning a giggle from Josh

"Payback for being ever-so-kind to come on my own freewill" bouncing my eyebrows, earning another giggle from Josh who was peering over his mom's shoulder, trying to copy

"…whatever, what do you want to know" glancing around nervously, the store was empty besides us.

"What relationship did you have that Daniel guy and why don't you want to be near him?"

"That's two questions." Glancing down at Josh, observing his struggle to bounce his eyebrows up and down

"It's a compound question" smirking again, I swear it's a new record to smirk so much in one day

Huffing loudly, throwing a couple things into the basket as she went down a new aisle, "We used to be high school sweethearts before he cheated on me"

'_He should hook up with Erin; they'd be perfect for each other'_

"Is that your answer for both questions or just the first question?" following a few feet behind

"…both" turning the corner again, obviously not needing any coffee

"You liar, you delayed!"

"I am not a liar!" glaring over her shoulder, she was full of those

"Then don't lie"

"I don't want to be around him because he'll try to take Josh away, okay?" throwing her hands out a little, not looking at me.

'_Now was that really that hard to say the first time?'_

"Why?" clearly not connecting the dots

"He's his father. He- I don't want to talk about it. I answered your questions. I didn't volunteer to answer anything more." catching herself before revealing anything more, grabbing a ton of candy from gummy bears to skittles to M&M's.

"yet." Eyeing the full cart, we weren't even through half the store, how much did she need?

"Ever" looking back to eye me, "Why are you still here?"

"Well that was rude. I got the impression that you liked me awhile ago, now you're trying to get rid of me!" honestly a little hurt

"I don't have the time for any romantic crap. Besides, you have a girl-"stocking up on some macaroni and cheese.

"I didn't mean that kind of like but I'm flattered you were interested" smirking. Without even looking at her, I could see her blushing. It was still vivid in my mind from when she blushed at the restaurant for playing with Josh.

"Don't make a fool out of me. What do you want?" looking at her cart, as she stopped at the ATM

"I don't want anything. I just figured you'd need help hauling all those grocery bags home. I doubt Josh has any muscle power or anything. "Shrugging, watching Josh stare at the toy's aisle, "I think Josh has his eyes set on a dart gun, mom"

Relena turned around from the machine, squinting at the price I assumed, and frowned. It was a good thirty dollars. Looking back at me she shook her head, "I can't afford that at the moment. I have to use my savings to buy these groceries and I'll have to go do laundry too sometime this week. The bills are due next week and-"

"I'll buy your groceries" digging into my back pocket for my wallet

She paled, "No, I can handle it! I'll get it for him some other time, maybe for his birthday." watching me proceed to pull out a wad of cash, "No, really, I won't let you-"

"It's just a little favor; don't get your panties up in a wad. I know what it's like when money's tight and you need all the help you can get." Handing Josh the dart gun set, "besides, I've been working two jobs lately and I have extra cash just lying around."

"But that's a lot of stuff…" still standing at the ATM machine

Ignoring it, I wandered off into the clothes section, "How about some new clothes? A growing boy needs new clothes all the time, right?" ending up in the shoes aisle; I guess we'd start with shoes.

"Oh, I have money saved for that-" the tapping of her shoes as she chased after me echoing throughout the empty store

"Well use that money on something else; I'm buying him new shoes. Just get as much as you want, I imagine you won't have this luxury again for awhile right?" picking Josh up out of the cart so he could examine his options more closely

"Thank you, really, but I can handle it"

"You can lie to me but don't lie to yourself. I'll pay for your groceries today and you'll be good for a good couple of weeks. Go on; get some treats, soda, and some real food! I'm buying, take advantage of it"

She just fixed her eyes on Josh, tempted to take me up on my offer, I could see it. Shaking her head, she smiled, "You're really too generous. What's the catch?" backing away, back into the food section, grinning at the opportunity.

"You'll answer my questions, lie-free" watching her go, happy she didn't resist _too_ much but glad she tried. Nobody liked a girl who would take anything and everything offered.

She slowed down a little, but kept going, "Whatever, Heero. Just watch him, okay? Don't let him get out of your sight. Don't let him talk to anybody. Don't-" listing a never-ending worry list

"I get it, go." Shooing her away

She disappeared around the corner, leaving me alone with a child I didn't know.

Looking down at him, I smirked as he tried on a pair of shoes a couple sizes too big, "Yo Josh, I bet they have those same pair in a smaller size."

He looked up, looked back at his shoes, looked around, and back up again, grinning, "Hey, are you and my mom friends?" completing ignoring what I had just said

A little surprised I nodded, "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"What kind of friends?" putting the shoes back in the box they came from, but leaving them on the floor as he looked at the others

"What do you mean?"

"There's friend and there's husband and wife kind of friends, which are you?" looking back up at me, "I don't care as long as I'm still her favorite. I have to be her favorite; it's my one rule as man of the house. Oh, and the mac-n-cheese is mine, and the gummy bears and m&m's" adding one thing after the other

"Well, I think we're just friends. I already have one of those other friends. It's against the rules to have more than one" shaking my head as he picked up another pair of shoes that were too big.

"Ohhhh, do you love your other friend?" frowning when the shoes fell off his feet when he tried to walk

"No" almost immediately, pointing to a different section that should be his size, unless he had big feet for a kid, "those should fit you better, Josh"

"Then why is she her friend?" following my finger

"It's more of a se-…She grumpy" figuring it would be a bad idea to say 'sex' in front of him

Nodding, knowingly, though not really sure he did, he stood up, "Well, if you don't like her, then you should leave her" grabbing at a pair of Elmo shoes that lit up

"Why?" resting on the handle of the cart, watching him closely

"Because it's a lie" he said matter-of-factly, his childish voice masking his wisdom

"The world is full of lies, little man" shrugging at the fact

"But you don't want to be with her" confused out of his mind but smiling at how the shoes fit, stomping to make them light up

"It's complicated. Why does it matter?" watching a mix of colors flash from his shoes

"Because if you didn't have her you'd be allowed to be friends with my mommy" huffing because I didn't know

"No, we'd still just be friend-friends." Smirking at his sudden shock

"Why wouldn't you be the other friends?" stuffing his new shoes back in their box and slipping into his old ones

"You have to like each other a certain way to be the other friends"

"Doesn't she like you that way?" placing the shoes in the cart

"I don't know" shrugging again

"Do you like her that way?" a little hopeful, for reasons I didn't know

Glancing behind my shoulder, I saw her coming back with an arm full of meats and pasta mix, real food like I told her to get. She had all kinds of spices, sauces, and dressings. She _did_ take advantage of my offer.

The smile the appeared on her face when she saw me and Josh sent a spark through my spine, a fuzzy feeling through my stomach, and heat into my cheeks. It was a certain feeling that made my heart race as she crept closer. The feeling was one that I hadn't felt in awhile, one I never thought I would again.

Turning back to Josh quickly, I tried to put on a serious face, "can you keep a secret?"

Nodding quickly he got a little closer, "uh-huh"

"I think I might like your mom", breaking the seams of the serious mask with a wide smile, making my cheeks hurt

He only grinned, shrugging, talking lowly has Relena neared.

"I knew you did"

Sorry for any delay. I've been busy but i HAVE been writing. so, I'm excited. We're finally getting to the **heeroxrelena action :) **I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If there are any mistakes, I'm sorry. I do reread through these but sometimes u just miss them ya know? Well, anyway, please R&R!

**It may be awhile till i update on the other two stories with school starting next week and me...still working on my summer assignment...shame on me. BUT! I'll try to get it done and buckle down on them, especially Whispers from the Heart. considering...it only has one chapter. But thank you for your patience. :) **


	6. New Roommate

Secrets and Lullabies

_Chapter Six_: New Roommate

By Oblivious-Bystander

Heero Yuy, what can I say about him? He's gorgeous, sweet, and humorous even when it doesn't exactly suit him. His eyes are deeper than the sea, describing every little detail of his being in one small glance. It's almost overwhelming to look at him but once you're given a taste you just can't help but to crave more, even though everything else is telling you to stop.

Examining a package of meat, I can't exactly remember the last time I really examined one. I can't seem keep my mind in one place long enough to really know what I'm looking for.

Putting it back and picking up another, I try to focus. It's red. It doesn't look rotted. The packaging isn't broken… It's tender, applying pressure to the thin wrapping covering the meat. Heero doesn't seem tender…

'_GODDAMN IT ALL!'_

Grabbing a few more packages of meat, I hurry away from very cold section.

'_I wonder if Heero prefers warm weather or cold weather.' _

Moaning, I venture down a new section without really bothering to look at where I'm going. It was only when I ran into the shelf of packaged noodles that I really took a look around.

A little disoriented, a hazy feeling, I absently grab a box of bowtie pasta mix, trying to remember the reason I was even here. A thought came to mind, passing the box of mix from one hand to the other.

"_Is that your answer for both questions or just the first question?" _

"…_both" _

"_You liar, you delayed!" _

"_I am not a liar!" _

"_Then don't lie"_

"_I don't want to be around him because he'll try to take Josh away, okay?"_

Stopping, I a wave of guilt passed over me with full force. I had already forgotten my soul purpose for leaving the restaurant. I had forgotten about saving my son from the sick, demented, lying, perverted-

'_All because I can't stop thinking about Heero…' _

Frowning, turning back to where I came, I cursed myself for stupid hormones. I cursed Yuy for being so damn attractive and charming…and sweet to my son.

Entering a different section, I started grabbing familiar items, though not really paying attention to what they were. I just snatched at things in front of me, tucking them under my arms as I reached for more. Before I knew it my arms were full, cursing myself for not bringing the cart with me.

Looking around, making a full circle, I looked for any signs of life. Now that I was focused on other things aside from Heero, like how horrible of a mother I was being, I found that the store was still very much the way it had been from the start. Satisfied, I walked back to the direction I had left them, childishly trying to step inside the marble squares on the floor and not the lines.

Rounding a basket of assorted fruits and random foods, the store wasn't very organized in the least; I looked up, half praying that Josh would still be there. To much relief, he was there in sight, looking up, absorbed in something Heero was saying.

Smiling, I began forward again, only to smile wider when Heero looked carelessly over his shoulder. It was then I realized how casual he looked just standing there with my son. I was astonished that I hadn't realized what he had been wearing before, clad in navy blue levis, black shoes, and a long sleeved black shirt that said 'I'm lost and going to look for myself. If I come back, stall me till my return.' on the back in faded white lettering. The joke was humorous, not fitting Heero's personality at all.

Turning away again, he leaned down further to Josh, where Josh stood on his tippy toes before rocking back with a wide grin saying something. To my surprise, I was dying with curiosity.

Pouring the products from my arms and into the basket, I eyed the two males before suspiciously saying, "So what did you two talk about while I was gone?" darting my gaze from one to the other and back again.

Busted, Josh paled a little, stuttering under pressure, "Oh he-"

Watching him with wide eyes, Heero cut him off quickly, "."

"…say again?" rocking my weight to my right hip, eyeing him. He was certainly a nervous one…

"I was asking him about Sesame Street cuz…he-." Looking down at Josh, pleading silently. He thought I didn't see it but I did.

"I got Elmo shoes" Josh added excitedly, rushing over to the cart, climbing onto the end and reaching for a box sitting on top of the pile random products.

"Get down, Josh, that's not safe." Ushering him off and opening the box, grinning as Heero thumped the shoes making them blink. It was definitely a flashing luxury that Josh didn't get very often, sometimes not even on Christmas. He definitely didn't get flashing Elmo shoes and dart guns both in one day.

Smiling down at Josh, I picked him up, cradling him with my hands on my hip, "that's great, sweetie" turning my attention back to Heero, "Thank you, really, for everything you've done today" closing the lid to the shoe box.

His responding smirk made me question what I had just said, "Oh don't mention it. Besides, we had an agreement, groceries for answers" pulling the cart away and to the cash registers, throwing random things into the cart as he went by, probably thinking that the more he bought the more he would learn.

I had forgotten about that… I wasn't ready to answer any question…but I have never broken a promise before…

Suddenly tense, my heart pounded in my chest. The only person who knew the whole story was Hilde and that was only because she and Trowa found me… But, even Trowa didn't know the whole story.

Chasing after him, Josh bouncing on my hip with each step, I met up with him at the cash register just in time to hear the total, "That'll be one-twenty-five and ninety-nine cents"

I froze. Looking back at Heero, I surprised at how unfazed he was, "Heero-"

Throwing the teen several twenty's, a five, and a one, Heero starting putting the brown bagged groceries back into the cart, glancing up at me, "What?" eyeing my shocked expression with raised eyebrows

"That's a lot of money. I'll pay-" rounding the cart to stand closer to him, for more than one selfish reason, watching him put bags neatly in the cart. I had never gotten more than one bags worth before.

"That is _not_ a lot of money, Relena. That hardly adds up to what _my_ bill is for groceries at the end of every other week" spinning the cart back outside to realize we didn't have a vehicle, leaving me at the register to think about how poor I must seem before I followed him out the automatic doors.

There were only three bags and I was more than capable to carry one but Heero scooped them all up and left the cart by the entrance, "How far is it to your place?" not really looking behind him as I followed slowly, looking around for the one person I didn't want to see.

"Oh, well a mile…I guess" Making a few circles as I walked, making sure I wasn't missing any suspicious people, holding Josh tighter to my side, following Heero blindly.

"We're going to have to stop by my place really quick then" heading in the opposite direction to my house, "it's just around the corner, quite literally" grabbing my elbow awkwardly, trying not to drop the groceries, to steer me in the right direction as I still look around.

A thought suddenly hit me when I noticed something was off, completely forgetting what he had just said, "Where's my diaper bag" looking down my person idiotically like it would suddenly be found in my pockets. I even patted them, looking on the ground and back at the store, confused.

'_Did we leave in the cart?...' _Squinting back at the tiny object in the distance

"I have it, don't worry" disappearing around a building when I looked up at him, sending silent panic through my system. I didn't like being alone, not in public at least, not with Daniel being nearby.

Rushing after him, skidding around the building, I spotted the blue strap on his shoulder, "You know, I _can_ carry something" noticing just how much he was actually carrying, adjusting Josh a little as he started to slide out of my grasp.

"I'll give you your diaper bag once we reach my apartment, I just need to grab a few things first" going through a pair of double doors of what I assumed to be his apartment building, looking more and more annoyed the further he got into the building.

Following, I was confused, "What do you need?" watching him push the 'up' button on the elevator with his foot, making my way beside him to look into his face.

"A pair of clothes, I'm staying the night with you" stepping inside the not very elegant elevator, but mine was the same way, as if what he just said was as simple as 'I like cheese'.

Dumbfounded, I stared at him, not going inside causing him throw his leg up again to keep the doors from closing, "you coming?", uncomfortable and annoyed that he, the one carrying everything, had to catch the elevator doors too.

"Since when are you staying with me?" trying to recall if I had ever agreed to it during the day, sadly, I wouldn't be surprised if I had, still remaining outside the elevator, eyeing him with uncertainty.

"I don't feel like walking you home, get there around seven, walk back even farther and go to Quatre's house. It'll just be easier to stay there" throwing his foot up again to stop the doors, growling when he almost lost his balance, beckoning me inside with his suddenly cold gaze.

"What makes you think that's okay?" stepping inside, glaring at him and his assumptions. I didn't like the idea of a full grown man that I had just met earlier today sleeping in my apartment. Next thing I knew, he would be convincing me to let him spoon with me. I knew the saying, spooning leads to forking. There would be none of that!

"Because I said it's okay. Plus, you have a lot of questions you need to answer" nodding towards the pad of floor numbers beside me, "press seven" as the door shut with a sliding thump, rolling his eyes when I growled aloud.

Jabbing it, aggravated that I couldn't seem to argue with him, I stepped back into the corner, as far away from him as I could get. When the elevator dinged, Heero walked out leaving me to walk purposely slowly behind him, watching him stop in front of a door reading B37

Twisting the knob, he shoved it open, disappearing inside with florescent light flooding the poorly lit hallway. Reluctantly following him inside, I shut the door quietly behind me, surprised to look up to see a black haired skinny woman in nothing but a long worn jersey dart after Heero down a hallway, screaming, "Where the hell have you been?" her voice echoing off the walls. I winced as the profanity reached my sons ears, sighing, knowing there would be more.

Peering across bright room, I stared at the archway that they had vanished behind, imagining her fling her arms around as she yelled and demanded answers. I normally tried to not judge on first impressions, but I was willing to make an exception.

Though I couldn't see him, and he had spoken quietly, his muffled voice drifted into the living room clearly, "Quatre's" a little nonchalant before appearing again in the living room holding out the diaper bag with the woman following closely behind. The look on his face would be similar to a man being followed by an obsessed woman he greatly disliked: cold, dark, and annoyed

"Heero, don't walk away when-" stopping immediately when she saw me, "Who the hell are you?" cocking her head from side to side, obviously sizing me up, "Heero, I swear to God, that better not be your son!" grabbing his shoulder, jerking him around. Or, maybe he turned around on his own and it was just a coincidence.

Sliding the bag strap onto my shoulder, I raised my eyebrows. _'It must be Erin…though she doesn't really seem Heero's type…not that I would know his type'_

She my uneasy surprise, she looked familiar, very familiar. In fact, it was just on the tip of my tongue and it tasted bad, very bad.

Heero looked at Josh for a moment, rolling his eyes earning an evil giggle from the little monster on my hip before turning back to the head cheerleader before him, removing any form of happiness from his face as he looked down at her.

"He's not my son" walking past her and vanishing into the hallway, leaving her to glare at me for a few annoying seconds before darting after him again, screaming

"Don't lie to me you piece of shit! He looks just like you!" growing louder and louder with each word, maybe even syllable, causing even Josh to shrink in pain at the volume.

Curious, glancing down at Josh, I was surprised at how much he did kind of look like Heero. If his hair was a little thicker and his blue eyes a little darker, he'd be Heero's mini me, sorta.

"Think what you want. I just came for some clothes" the sound of drawers opening and closing, opening and closing

Suddenly, Erin darted out of the hallway, her hair swishing and boobs bouncing with each step, apparently absent of a bra "Who do you think you are showing up here!" closing the distance to me, causing me to back up against the door, "You little whore, I would have thought you'd be prettier!"

Not saying anything, figuring it would be for the best, I was surprised to see Josh's little fist come down on her head multiple times like he was playing whack-a-mole, "my mommy is way prettier than you are!" stretching away from me so he could keep hitting her as the woman retreated in shock

"Josh" I whispered quietly, not really wanting him to stop, pulling his tiny shaking fist away. I could only laugh when he proved he was influenced by the men at the restaurant earlier today, as he screamed at her.

"Injustice!" the word sounding very out of place on his lips

I didn't recall hearing it at lunch but I also wasn't paying very much attention. What I did know, it screamed Wufei all over it.

Pressing my lips together, trying with all my might to stop laughing, I watched Heero emerge with a bag, small but useful, along with the brown grocery bags, smirking at Josh, shaking his head.

Shoving past the gawking woman as if she was a stranger in a crowd, he pulled me away from the door by the bag's strap and opened it, ushering me out, "Hold the elevator for me" shutting the door again, throwing a wink at Josh before it closed completely.

Staring at the pale brown door for a moment, I forced me legs to walk slowly to the elevator, glancing behind me every now and then, waiting for him to come out, waiting for screams, waiting for anything.

'_Don't suppose he's…certainly not.'_

Recalling how he had previously described his relationship with Erin as a 'sex thing'. Pushing the thought away, I randomly pecked Josh's cheek as I pressed the 'down' button, "That was sweet of you, Josh" thinking of his reaction to Erin's insults

"What was?" rubbing my kiss away with force, squishing his chubby cheeks

"What you said to that witch in there" nodding back to the still closed apartment door, stepping inside the elevator when the doors slid open, putting my foot in the entrance in case they tried to close again before Heero arrived. I only hoped I wouldn't have to stay that way for too long.

"I don't like her" wiggling down to the floor and out of my hold, "I don't think Heero likes her either" pronouncing Heero's name as 'Hero'.

"I don't think he does either" still watching the door, waiting for it to open any minute, recalling how his mood changed when we got to the building

'_What are they doing…'_

"He shouldn't be her friend anymore" sitting down outside the elevator in front of me, bending his neck awkwardly to look up at my face, "She isn't very nice"

Shaking my head, tearing my eyes away from the hallway, I looked down at him, smiling softly, "No she isn't." suddenly remembering how Heero was staying the night, "with him spending the night with us, do I still have to sing?" thinking about our routine, a song before bedtime, his lullaby

Nodding quickly, smiling at the thought, "Yes you do! You should sing one now" grinning, when I blushed at the thought of singing in public

With a bang, Heero emerged into the hallway just as Josh proceeded to beg by clinging to my leg. His bag was a little larger than I remember, hanging from his shoulder, "Sorry for the wait. I had to take care of a few things" stepping around me into the elevator, asking Josh to press the one button, making him let go of my leg

Silence filled the car as soon as the doors closed. It was an awkward silence and I immediately found myself looking for any signs of inappropriate activities, to my relief, I found none. In further inspection, I landed on his fuller bag, "your bag's bigger." It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah, I'll be staying more than one day" looking down at me with one of those you-can't-do-anything-about-it smirks. All I could think about was how I didn't realize how tall he really was until now. I was so caught up in observing his height, and other things; I almost didn't catch what he said.

"Oh oka-…wait, what?" watching him walk out into the lobby when the doors slid back open, Josh following him closely behind, "What do you _mean_ you'll be saying more than one day?" picking Josh up as I stomped after him, ignoring his squirming protests.

"It means I'm staying more than one day" exiting the building and rounding the corner before I even made it out the doors, he was doing it on purpose

Frustrated, I started running, only to ram into his chest as I rounded the corner that he disappeared behind, making me rather flustered "Hey, what are you-…what makes you think you can stay more than one day!" forcing my mind to stay on subject

"Because I am now homeless" turning away from me, continuing his stride down the sidewalk, leaving me to ponder his remark at the corner "You better keep up if you don't want me to leave you here!" calling over his shoulder when he put pretty good distance between us

Growling, I raced after him, refusing to show him any pity. To further aggravation, Josh did for me instead, "Why are you homeless?" calling out from his place wrapped around my chest, twisting to look at him

Stopping to look at him, Heero winked, making my inner flame grow, "I told her we couldn't be friends anymore" as if it were a secret between only him and Josh. Though, I suppose it was, considering I didn't really understand what he was talking about.

A smile broke across Josh's face, looking from me to Heero, "You're going to live with us?" obviously excited at the idea, his voice going up an octave

"Sure thing, sport" completely ignoring me, talking directly to Josh like I wasn't even holding him, he was just floating in air.

"Don't I have any say in this?" moving Josh further away from the man before me aggressively, making him look away from Josh

He only raised an eyebrow, looking back ahead of him, continuing his fast pace "What do you have to lose? I'll pay rent, I work a lot, and you won't be the only one paying for everything-" counting off an invisible list of advantages

"I'd be losing my privacy! It's not like I have a two bedroom apartment, Heero!" and I wouldn't be having him sleeping in my bed!

He seemed surprised by that, raising both his eyebrows this time, "Where does Josh sleep then?" stopping at a corner, waiting for me to lead the way

Stomping ahead of him, not wanting to look at him at the moment, I tried to walk as fast as possible without looking stupid, I think I was successful "He sleeps with me. I do have a fold out bed in the couch for-"quickly regretting mentioning it

"Oh, well that'll work just fine. See, it'll work!" following me step for step, matching my speed to my never ending irritation.

"I only one bathroom though! "Turning sharply around a corner. We were almost there

"What, are you afraid that I'd fine feminine prod-"

Cutting him off by stopping, I threw open the door to my apartment building, almost hitting him while doing so, I wish I had "No, of course not! If anything, I'd hope you were squeamish and keep them in sight on purpose" punching the 'up' button for the elevator, looking back at him

"So I can stay?" catching my eye, grinning widely, putting words in my mouth

"I never-" I never got the sentence out before Josh cried in joy, breaking free from my arms, "Fine, do what you want."I mumbled, stomping into the elevator when the doors screeched open, pressing the top floor

"I plan to", smiling when his apparently dog ears heard me

Glaring at him for the hundredth time that day, I pretending I didn't see his adorable smile of victory. If I was going to survive the arrangement, I couldn't be attracted to him.

Frowning, knowing that if that were true, I would drop dead that very instant

Taking a bag from him, I sighed heavily, slumping against the railing along the walls

'_How did I get myself into this mess?'_

These recent chapters have been a little rushed, my apologies. I'm eager to get further into the story and as these chapters get longer, I don't really want to reread them. but i do, sorry if i miss a few mistakes. I took my time on this chapter. It took me a couple of hours to write it. Though I took my time, this chapter does seem a little sloppy and I tried to fix it soooo...I'm sorry if it's not to your liking. BUT, enough about my mistakes ( those are endless lol) Heero is moving in with Relena. He likes her. He left Erin. Erin seems familiar to Relena. Wufei is rubbing off on Josh. :] whatcha think?

Terrible? Good? Love? Hate? R&R =] I more than willing to take any suggestions to help this story. You ARE the readers after all. But, the next chapter will be up soon more than likely as will the next chapter for Never was, Isn't now, Never will. I just have to revise it. =]

Tell meh whatcha think


	7. The Biggest Secret of All

Secrets and Lullabies

_Chapter Seven_: The Biggest Secret of All

By Oblivious-Bystander

Shaking the key a series of times, kicking it, and calling it profane names obviously do nothing to open a stubborn apartment door. Now, when you figure out you're using the wrong key, maybe there will be more progress. Maybe.

After a few embarrassing, yet just as aggravating, minutes, Relena swung open her apartment door, ushering me and Josh inside with a tight jaw and a continuous opening and closing hand at her side.

Ignoring it, walking in, I was surprised at how clean it truly was. With a five year old in the house, you would only expect it to at least be a little messier. The carpets looked sponged, everything was put away, everything was straight, and it smelled nice. I think it was baked apple though I didn't see a candle anywhere. Maybe it was febreze.

"You can set down the bags in here" her voice drifting from what I assumed to be the kitchen with a hint of minor irritation. It was the only place that was in the direction the voice came from. And, I only assumed it was her, considering, she was the one irritated at the moment, probably for more than one reason. I imagined at least one of those reasons was me and my talent to get what I want, what a helpful talent indeed.

Looking, I was right, "I would have excepted you're place to be dirtier" I admitted, walking slowly to her, watching her unpack a bag and fold the brown sack neatly into a square before stuffing it in the cabinet by her feet. I could see that she was organized.

"Why would you think that?" absently putting the things away as I started unpacking the other two bags, "Do you have a history with messy women or something" giving me a tiny suspicion that she was calling me a player. It probably didn't help that I called my previous relationship a 'sex thing' so I brushed it off.

Shaking my head, I tried to mimic her folding technique, failing horribly to only make an uneven wrinkled rectangle instead, "No, I just assumed that with having a son-" unfolding the bag to try again.

Taking the bags away from me when I failed a second time, our hands brushing, she folded the bags effortlessly with rosy cheeks, stuffing them again in the cabinet at her feet, "You thought Josh would be messy?" walking away from the kitchen and to the couch, pulling off the cushions, setting them aside against the wall behind it.

Not exactly knowing what to do with the remaining products on the counter, I tried to figure out where she kept what, opening cabinet after the other, "I thought all kids were messy" feeling slightly uncomfortable at how empty the cabinets were. For her sake, I didn't say anything.

Looking up at me, seeing my pathetic struggle with putting groceries away, she traded me jobs, "Pull the bed out, I'll put those away" dodging me at all costs this time, "And, no, Josh isn't messy" she called with a bit of a bite over her shoulder. Why she did that, I didn't know.

"Who thought I was messy" said a small voice from the hallway, clad in Elmo PJ's that were cutely backwards.

"Heero did" Relena answered, putting away the last spice and bag of candy, picking up Josh's dart gun and shoes, "Did you brush your teeth?" eyeing him accusingly when his eyes went wide.

Immediately, Josh bolted down the hallway to the one room at the end, slamming the door, Relena chasing after him, "brush your teeth!" her hair bouncing in protest to her running.

With a second slam, the apartment settled into silence, leaving me to pull the folded bed from the depths of the couch. It was a fairly large bed, stripped of sheets or any other recommended sleeping accessories, but I assumed Relena had that somewhere else. Or, I hoped she did.

Glancing down the hallway a moment, making sure the coast was clear, I kicked off my shoes, dropped my pants, and pulled my shirt over my head, revealing red plaid boxers and white ankle socks. Walking the short distance to my abandoned back, I stuffed my clothes in, perching myself on the arm of the couch. I didn't want to be caught _taking_ my clothes off. But, being caught _without_ clothes, I didn't care about that.

As soon as my rear hit the fabric, the front door flew open, banged against the wall and fell back shut, making me jump up a couple feet. I could have sworn I saw that girl Hilde…

Then, again, the door was rapidly opened, and on the other side was a group of people, all just as shocked as me upon seeing the other. In fact, it was everyone from lunch, minus Daniel and plus two extra women. The first to speak was Duo, though, not to my surprise.

"Heero, my man, I didn't know you and Relena had this in mind when you left!" eyeing my wardrobe of boxers and socks, grinning slightly. Quatre and Wufei remained silent behind him. Trowa glared.

With another bang, Relena ran from the hallway with a grumpy Josh in her arms, jumping back when she saw the crowd in her doorway. I was surprised she didn't hear the series of bangs from when they opened the door, "Oh my god… Hilde?" throwing a hand over her heart, "What are you doing?"

Hilde remained silent for a moment, giving me a once over before looking back at Relena, "I was worried about you. But, "looking back at me, "I can come back"

Following her gaze, Relena's face burned bright pink, eyeing me for a long moment before tearing her eyes away. I was a little flattered she looked so long. She could look all damn day if she wanted.

"Oh, uh, he bought me groceries and it was late…and, he isn't friends with Erin anymore…and, he's going to…" sighing heavily, reliving her defeat, "live…here" pointing down at the floor to fuller express 'here'

When nobody answered, or moved, Relena put Josh down and ushered them all inside before closing the door, eyeing my empty bed, "I'll get you your sheets in a moment" pushing the women down the hallway and into her bedroom, closing the door. It reminded me of a chick flick.

Silence, again, drifted around the room before Josh eyed the couch, confused, "What happened to the couch?" pointing at the bed filling the living room. I guess he never knew about that handy feature.

Glancing down, smirking, I turned back to him, "It got sick and threw up a bed instead" earning an expression of awe. It didn't matter that it didn't make sense, it amazed him anyway.

"Heero…" Quatre's voice said from the kitchen table, when I looked at him, he looked almost like a proud but disapproving brother "What happened after you left the restaurant?" taking in my almost nude body a moment, confused as everyone else but even more curious

Sighing, running my fingers through my hair, I looked back them all, a little disappointed to say that it wasn't what it looked like "We left, went to the store, I bought her groceries, it was late and I didn't feel like walking her home and walking back to your place so I was just going to stay here, went to get clothes from Erin's, broke up with Erin, and now I'm living here", like Relena, pointing down at the floor.

Trowa, who I kept forgetting was here, walked over and plopped down on the bed below me, "She let you buy her groceries?" confused. It was the first thing that he had said to me in quite a few years. I guess we didn't need a 'hello' or 'how are you'.

"Yeah, why?" looking down at him, remembering he had known Relena longer, and first. Another wave of jealously, like from the restaurant, splashed down on me.

"She hardly ever takes charity…from anyone" he replied, looking up at Josh a moment, smiling, "I was at the hospital when you were born, Josh"

It was a random statement.

Josh stood there a moment, eyeing him, "You're not my dad, right? It's the other guy" keeping distance till he saw Trowa nod, "Can you tell me about it?" suddenly excited, running to sit at his feet, an instant change of mood.

"Tell you about what?" resting his elbows on his knees, looking down at the grown boy on the floor. He looked like a father figure, and I didn't like it.

"About when I was born!" Josh said, inching closer.

Trowa paused a moment before smiling again, "I was there with Hilde, holding Relena's hand as she brought you into the world. It took twelve long hours of labor but the time finally came, "pausing to look around the room, everyone was listening, "And, when you did, you screamed and screamed until they gave you to your mom, then, you were completely silent"

It felt like story time, really. All that I could see in my head was Relena, sweating in a delivery bed, holding Trowa's hand, and giving birth. The beauty of it all was faded by yet another wave of jealousy.

Nonetheless, Josh beamed, smiling up at me before continuing, "Where was my dad?"

Stiffening slightly, I noticed, Trowa shook his head, "Your mom didn't tell him that you were coming. She didn't want him there" ignoring my intense stare.

Duo cut in, "I thought Hilde said she was the only one there" a little uneasy at being lied to.

"Nobody was supposed to know that I was there. I was friends with Josh's dad so if word got back to him about Relena, it would have ruined everything" brushing off my curious gaze again, as for everyone else's

Before anything more was said, the women emerged into the living room, ushering Trowa and I away from the couch and ignoring the tense air. The only thing I really noticed was Relena's PJ's: black sweatpants and a navy blue hoodie, absent of any makeup

The two women I didn't know put the sheets on my bed; it was like they were synced. Hilde went back to Relena's room and brought out a big comforter and some pillows, dropping them on the bed so the other girls could straighten up, venturing back to Duo. I assumed they were officially dating now, if not, they were going to be.

Looking around for Relena when she was suddenly gone, I found her in the hallway entrance with Trowa, nodding her head at everything he said, looking deathly pale times. I was dying to know what they were saying. When I started to join them, the conversation ended.

With a hug, a big one, Trowa walked away from her and to the door, calling back to her, "We brought your food that you left at the restaurant, it's in the fridge" and looking at me, "Yours too", disappearing into the hallway outside the door.

One by one, the group followed him out: Quatre, Wufei, the two girls I didn't know, Duo, and lastly Hilde. They all gave their respects to Relena, the not so hosty host, in different ways, some hugged, and some shook hands. Wufei only nodded. I didn't expect anything more from him though. I was surprised he even did that much.

After a few moments, once the door was closed and silence yet again settled around the room, Relena look up at me with a sad smile, "Can those questions wait till another time, Heero?" gently guiding Josh down the hallway, pausing at the entrance to wait for my answer.

Nodding, taking in her exhausted expression, I glanced around the room, "Are there any rules I need to know about? Anything I can't do?" grinning at her, trying to put a smile on her face. I had come to like those.

Thinking for a short moment, Relena pointed down the hallway, smiling softly, "The only bathroom is in my room, I don't normally close my bedroom door but if it is, knock before you come in." her expression enforcing the rule, "The bathroom is always open if nobody is in it, there isn't any rule to when you can and can't use it…" looking around again, away from me "If you're hungry, eat. If you're thirsty, drink. I have a laundry bag in my room by the right nightstand; you can put your dirty clothes in there.

"On Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, I work till three in the afternoon at a Pizza Inn. Hilde normally comes over to watch Josh, but if you can or want to, you can watch him instead. You're welcome to move to my bed after I leave in the mornings, and on Tuesday and Friday I work the night shift at a diner." Again, she smiled down at me sadly.

I just stared at her a few moments, before nodding. I didn't know she worked so much. Today must have been her only extra day off in a good couple of months, and what a day it had been…

Pulling down the sheets to my new bed, I slipped under, trying to not let her see my pity. Trowa had said she didn't like charity, "I'll write you my work schedule tomorrow so that we can get things organized." Thinking a moment before adding, "I can watch Josh tomorrow, I don't mind" dropping my head to my feathered pillow

Watching a moment with a blank expression on her face, she walked over to me. Bending down and kissing my forehead, she brushed my hair out of my face with a soft smile, before straightening and walking back to the hallway "Goodnight, Heero."

Flicking off a lamp, engulfing the room with darkness, she disappeared from my vision. I laid there stunned in my bed, still remembering just how close she was. Her hair had caressed my face; her lips had touched my skin…

In my mind, I fought to figure out if she had kissed me out of habit of saying goodnight to Josh or… I mentally begged for a latter.

Suddenly, a sound drifted to my ears from the hallway, soft and sweet, ending all and any thoughts.

Slipping out of the sheets, standing silently, I crept to the hallway entrance that I could barely make out due to lack of light. Edging along the wall, I peeked around her bedroom doorway, as nothing but a shadow along the wall.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, blue and green stars glowing on the ceiling from a turtle nightlight, Relena sang softly to the little boy beside her. Smoothing back his brown clumps of hair, she drifted him gently to sleep, her voice quivering every now and then.

Stopping abruptly, turning away, her face lit in cool colors, she slide to the floor, burrowing her face into her hands on her knees, sobbing softly. She looked so small and weak, huddled crying on the floor for reasons I could only guess.

My heart fell to my stomach, watching her break down. She was just one person taking on what probably felt like the world. A single mother, struggling to get by and still raise her son, she had so many secrets resting heavily on her shoulders. The biggest secret of all was the one sleeping soundlessly in her bed. I had been so oblivious to all her suffering…

Tiptoeing away, lowering myself to the edge of my bed, I gazed blindly at what I assumed to be the hallway entrance. She worked day and night. She was fighting to keep her son. She was running from a man and there was no telling what he was capable off. But, she pushed it all way, and kept a smile on her face for her son.

She could just as easily lose everything in a blink of an eye, trying to take care of him. Though, I was sure she could hardly truly deny him anything.

Not even a simple lullaby

Okayyy, chapter seven! So, we're getting somewhere. This chapter was actually pretty difficult to write and might have gotten sloppy towards the end, my apologies. But, I hope you enjoyed it. I might even write the next chapter tomorrow. I'm going back to school Thursday so I'm trying to write as much as possible till then. I'm done with my summer assignments...well except for some vocab but _thats _not required. I personally think this is more important ;)

If there are mistakes, I'm sorry. I tried to read slowly to catch them all and I'm looking for songs to use as lullabies. I think i found one but still looking for anything better. Thank you for your patience...and love you all for reading.. *hugs!* I love the reviews =} so please continue R&R


	8. Skittles

Secrets and Lullabies

_Chapter Eight_: Skittles

By Oblivious-Bystander

When I woke up in the morning, I assumed it was morning anyway, I didn't know exactly where I was. The room was dark, there was a spring in my side, and it smelled like apples, unlike my previous mornings filled with sweaty lust. Plus, there wasn't any nagging or headaches named Erin, or who I liked to call Vicky.

'_Apples…'_

Shooting forward at the memories of the previous day, cracking my head against something incredibly hard, I crashed back down to the springs of the bed with a screech, holding what surely would be a bruise later on, "Son of a-UGH!"

Prying open my eyes, wincing against the sudden flood of light, I saw Relena, too, holding her head by the wall with her finger floating above the light switch, "What the hell, Heero! Is that how you greet everyone in the morning?" looking at her hand a moment before pressing it back to her forehead. Damn she was hardheaded in more than one way!

Sitting there a moment, observing her strange poofy thigh-high dress and apron, I tried a small smile but it didn't work, "I wasn't expecting you to be there" saying through my teeth

'_What kind of Pizza Inn makes you wear that of all things?'_

"I was the one waking you up, how did you not expect me to be there?" pinching her temples, letting out a pained sigh, growling

'_I guess she isn't a morning person'_

"I didn't realize you were waking me up… I didn't even hear you" throwing my legs over the side of the bed, still rubbing my head, taking another peek at her outlandish outfit

"Whatever, Heero, Josh is still in bed. You can go in there with him if you want…" picking up her diaper bag that was sitting at her feet, slinging it over her shoulder

Nodding, not even really sure if I had heard her, I watched her go with a click as she locked deadbolt behind her. Suddenly, Mother Nature rang.

Standing, a little wobbly from an aching head, I stumbled down the hallway, still grasping my forehead and holding my arm out so I wouldn't crash into anything. Or…make it less likely.

Stopping at the bedroom doorway, I took in Josh's spread-eagle position on the bed, his brown hair flared above him, and the blankets nearly kicked completely to the floor. Smiling softly, I entered soundlessly, heading to a different doorway I hoped to be the bathroom.

My bladder much appreciated my assumptions when I was correct, closing the door quietly behind me, flicking on the light. Inside, I, again, was surprised at just how clean it really was. The tiled floor was shiny, the sink was absent of any toothpaste, and the tub/shower was spotless.

Walking over to the toilet, flipping up the seat, I relieved my bladder of any annoyance, looking around me with fascination. Even Quatre's bathroom wasn't this clean and he despised dirt with a passion.

Flushing, quietly putting the seat back down, and returning Johnny to the nest, I eyed the shower. Of course, there were only girly hair products but I had forgotten to even think to grab mine when I left Erin's. All I even thought o grab was clothes and get away from her.

With a shrug, I pulled of my socks and stepped out of my boxers, turning on the shower head. I was surprised I had figured it out on the first try, most showers I had used proved to be tricky on the first try.

Stepping over the side of the tube, drawing the ocean themed shower curtain closed, I greeted myself to warm water, my hair immediately clinging to my face. Rubbing the sleep away from my eyes, I turned around, closing my eyes in relaxation.

Bending down to pick up the only shampoo, I fell back with a painful crash coming face to face with big blue curious eyes, "AHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Stopping a moment, taking in the face, I sighed with relief, rubbing my, now, sore back that had collided with the bathtub faucet…thing, "Josh…what are you doing?" whipping water from eyes.

Silent a moment, still peeking around the shower curtain, he shrugged calmly, "I thought you were mommy" I guess he screamed for the fun of it.

"I thought you were too…" I muttered to myself, or I thought I did

"What?" hearing me, to a lot of annoyance. Something's aren't supposed to be overheard.

"You have your mother's eyes…I thou- nevermind." Already seeing the series of questions building up in his eyes

Watching me a moment, furrowing his eyebrows, he pointed his little finger at me, at little low for my comfort, "Why is yours bigger than mine?" asking a very honest question

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what Relena wanted me to do. I didn't want to believe that he was really asking me this, someone he met yesterday. Then again, I guess he was never shy yesterday either.

Following his finger, hoping it wasn't true, I looked back to Josh, "You-…I-…Well…It'll grow." Suddenly wish I had the flowing mouth of Duo. I'm sure that braided idiot would have a lot to say in situations like this.

Starring again, nodding, his face left my view, freeing me to slump over. Next thing I knew, before I could even sigh, he was back again, minus of clothes.

"Josh….what...what are you doing?" trying to keep as much distance between us as possible as he stepped into the shower, averting my eyes to anything and everything

Gazing down at me, confused, he looked down at himself as if my confusion was there, I just wanted him to leave me in peace"…what?"

"Why are you in here?" finding a nice spot on the wall behind him to stare at

"To get clean…Why are you in here?" confused again, looking around a little

"…to get clean" turning my gaze to his face

"…okay" still confused at my own confusion

"Josh," not really knowing what to do, "why…why are you getting clean…with me?"

"…Mommy lets me get clean with her…" not understanding what I was asking

Sitting there awhile, I nodded. It was pointless to carry on this conversation, very pointless, and moved away from the water showering down on me, letting him to stand under it.

Squeezing out some shampoo, massaging it in my hair and over my body, I tried not to look at him. I didn't want to be accused of being a perv. There was nobody here to accuse but I knew that if there were…

"Heero, can you hand me the shampoo?" his voice breaking my train of thought, making me look at him, which I regretted

Silently handing it to him, switching spots with him, a thought crossed my mind, "Do you shower with Hilde?" feeling a little more comfortable when he turned away from me

'_She's still a woman, it's different'_

"Yeah" rapidly scrubbing his head, clenching his eyes shut, turning back around to face me making me look at the shower curtain

"Have you ever showered with a guy?" copying him unconsciously, scrubbing the soap from my hair, clenching my eyes shut for two different reasons

"Nope" thinking absolutely nothing of it or of my state of unease

"…oh" switching spots with him and exiting from where he came, "Then why me?"

"Was I not supposed to?" his voice unsure, echoing in the small enclosed space. At least I couldn't see him.

Grabbing a towel from a rack, scrubbing my head, rubbing down my body, and wrapping it around my waist, I answered truthfully "I just wasn't expecting"

With a thump, the water shut off and the curtain was pulled away, revealing a naked little boy, something I was getting tired of seeing "Have you ever showered with anybody before, Heero?" stepping out and grabbing a towel, repeating what I had just done beside me, awkwardly for how small he was

Not really knowing what to say, or what to do, I shook my head, "No, I haven't" It wasn't like I could tell him all about showering with Erin…

"Maybe you can shower with Mommy too" completely not understanding what he had just suggested, not noticing my red cheeks

"I…don't think so, Josh" opening the door and stepping out, the cold air attacking my bare skin

Confused yet again, Josh followed, stopping at a closet, "why not"

"It's different for adults" water dripping for my hair to the floor, I knew because I was watching them

"Why" he asked again

Not wanting to have this conversation, I walked back to the living room to my bag of clothes, removing an outfit from it, "It just is, Josh" calling back, regretting the fact that I had agreed to stay with this little monster till three.

With a thump, bang, and pitter patter, Josh came running to the living room clad in batman underwear, "But why?"

Giving him a once over, holding the towel tighter to my waist, I shook my head, "Has your mom given you the birds and bees talk?" praying to God that she had

"What's the birds and bees talk" looking at me with a blank face

'_Shit!'_

Stumped, looking around, I settled my gaze on a very confused, very curious little boy, "It's…It's a talk you really should have with your mom, not me" walking past him and back to the bathroom, shutting the door. I was disappointed to find there wasn't a lock.

Dropping the towel to the floor, I cried out when the door collided into me, "What the-" looking down, surprised, "Josh, could you please!"

With a slam, the door closed, but I waiting a few seconds before trusting that it would stay closed and got dressing into a pair of jeans, red socks, and a plain red shirt. Taking another minute for myself, I sighed a very, very heavy sigh, and opened to door.

Stumbling back a bit at the sight, Josh stood directly on the other side, "Why can't you tell me the birds and bees talk?" he said immediately

Starring at him, wide-eyed, I tried to think of anything to take his mind off it, "You should probably get dressed, Josh"

"I am dressed" looking down at his very snazzy batman underwear.

"No, you're half dressed. You need to get completely dressed" a little afraid to move, unsure of where else he could pop up

Thinking a moment, looking back down at himself, he looked up with a scrunched face, "But, what should I wear?"

"What…do you usually wear?" silently making an oath to never have kids, never

"Pants or shorts, short socks or long socks, shirt or sweater, pajama's or a big t-shirt, or a Halloween costume" completely serious

I didn't expect him to list his whole closet, but I guess I didn't specify. I just figured simple would be better for an almost five year old. I guess I was wrong.

"I think you should go with pants, shirt, and socks" bending down to pick up the towel I used, unsure whether Relena washed them after long periods of time or after they were used. Stumped again, I dropped it back to the floor, looking back to Josh who still hadn't moved, "What?"

"But which pants should I wear? Which shirt?" completely confused, sort of eyeing the towel I had just picking up and dropped

"Does your mom normally pick it out for you?" moving the towel to the wall with my foot, Josh's eyes following it before he looked back up at me

He nodded, still standing in the bathroom doorway, "She always has it ready" swinging his arms back in froth

Squeezing past him, I walked to the closet, observing my options. On the left side was a bunch of tiny clothes and on the other were bigger clothes, what I assumed to be Relena's. Going through the tiny shirts, I pulled out a batman one and handed it to Josh who was standing beside me, "How about that?"

Taking it, pulling it from the hanger and dropping the plastic to the floor, he pulled the shirt over his head, smiling, "I like batman" his hair sticking up every direction possible

"I know you like batman" glad he didn't complicate things by wanting something specific, I have only been awake an hour or so and I was already exhausted

His face scrunched up again, confused, "How'd you know?" taking the pair of socks that I handed to him, sitting down to put them on.

Raising an eyebrow, looking back to the closet to the big shelf full of colorful square boxes, I began looking for his pants, "You're wearing batman underwear" pretty deadpan

"So?" wiggling his toes once he got his socks on, smirking

Opening a drawer, I came across something very lacy and slammed it back shut, feeling the heat burn my face, "Where do you keep your pants, Josh" memorizing the color of the box for snooping use later on.

"In the green box" pointing at a yellow box

Looking at the shelf, I saw that over half of the boxes were green, not wanting to tackle them, I looked back down at Josh, "Which one?"

Standing, he went to the only yellow box, the one he had pointed at, pulling it open to reveal a collection of small jeans. I didn't know whether to think he had lied or didn't know his colors very well.

"That's a yellow box, Josh" pulling out a pair and handing them to him, pushing it back closed with my foot

"That's what I said" stepping his feet into the pant legs, stumbling and rolling around trying to shimmy them up to his waist

"You said green" looking around the room, and back to him when I heard a bang. He fell down, but at least he got his pants on.

"I said yellow" a little louder

I already could see the tantrum he would throw if I continued and decided it would be best to avoid it, "Oh that's right, Josh. You said yellow" watching the corners of his mouth rise in triumph, I beginning to think he had lied.

"See, I told you I said yellow" climbing back to his feet, "I'm hungry"

Glancing at the clock, 11:45am, I looked back down at him, "What do you want?"

"Mac n Cheese" without hesitation, none at all

Nodding, a little suspicious, I walked back to the other room, opening and closing cabinets in the kitchen till I found what he had asked for.

Finding several boxes of the famous pasta, I found a pot already on the stove. Looking at it, hoping it was clean, I filled it with water, placing it back on the oven, pushing the heat to high. Turning around, I jumped to find Josh less than an inch from me, "You've got to stop doing that"

"Stop doing what?" backing away a couple inches, holding a pack of skittles

"Nothing…what are those for?" eyeing the red package, getting a bad feeling

"There for the mac n cheese" astonished that I didn't know, "Mommy lets me pick whatever I want"

Disgusted, I eyed the fruity candy again, "You want to eat macaroni and cheese… with skittles?"

Nodding, sliding the package to the counter, he started walking back to the living room, stopping when he saw the bed, "How do you make the couch throw up and become a couch again?" looking helplessly over his shoulder

Helping him, pulling off the comforter and pillows, I folded the bed back into the couch, returning the cushions to their rightful places. Turning around, I couldn't help but smile at Josh's new look of fascination, eyeing the couch in wonder.

"That's how you do it" bending down to fold the blue comforter into a neat poofy square, or I tried to be neat, setting it down in the corner along with the matching pillows. Looking back, Josh was still standing a good distance from the couch, staring.

"Aren't you going to sit down?" dropping the remote onto the couch that was sitting on the floor at my feet, I didn't know how it got there and I didn't really care

Looking at it, up to me, and back to the couch, Josh eyed it suspiciously, "It's not going to throw up back into a bed while I'm sitting on it…is it?" looking back up to me

Shaking my head, chuckling at the absurd question, I patted the back the couch, "its safe, Josh" wandering back to the kitchen to check on the water.

Eyeing it a moment longer, Josh climbed on the couch, grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, flipping through channels, occasionally eyeing the couch beneath him.

It didn't take long till the water was boiling, and I stood in the kitchen till the ten minutes were up, stirring the mix thoroughly, glancing back to Josh every now and then. Every time I looked at him, I saw a little more of Relena, her smile, her eyes, her face. The innocence that clung to him so strongly just screamed Relena.

Flicking off the heat, moving the pot to a different burner, I forced my mind away from the little boy and his mom, looking for a strainer. Finding one in the cabinet by the fridge, I set it down in the sink and dumped the pot over it, steam rising up into the air like a cloud above me. Shaking it a little, dumping the noodles back into the pot, I looked in the fridge for the ingredients. Finding them without much trouble, I plopped them into the pot without measuring them. I had made this dish so many times it wasn't funny.

Ripping open the bag of cheese, pouring it around and around in circles on top of the noodles, I stirred fiercely till I didn't see one spec of powder left, "Josh, it's ready" I called out, hitting the spoon on the side of the pot till all the noodles came off.

Immediately, he came running up, sliding to a halt beside me. Standing on his tippy toes, he peeked into the pot, frowning, "Where's the skittles?"

Confused, I looked at the pot of cheesy noodles, "I know you can't all that by yourself"

"You're going to eat it with me" smiling, grabbing the skittles and handing them to me

"Well I was planning to but… not with skittles" eyeing the fruity goodness in red plastic

His smile dropping, Josh shook his head, "No you have to eat it with skittles. You have to use the whole bag and I can't eat the whole bag by myself!" pushing the bag into my hands, his face growing a little red

"Why don't you just eat half of the bag now, and the other half the next time you have mac n cheese?" hoping that he wouldn't really make me eat skittles in my macaroni and cheese, that would be torture

Frowning, eyeing the red bag in my hand, he shook his head slowly, "Mommy eats it…" his tiny voice stabbing at my kind soul

I was a goner.

Swallowing hard, I tore open the bag of skittles, held it over the pot, looked down at Josh and poured them in. I may have earned a smile by the action but my gut hated me for it.

Stirring it in, grimacing at how the noodles suddenly turned into a cheesy rainbow, I found two bowls and started scooping the noodles into them, trying to somehow put the majority of it in Josh's bowl.

Opening the fridge, grabbing two juice boxes, I put it all down on the kitchen table where Josh was waiting. He refused to take a bite until I took one first. If he wasn't so cute and Relena's son, I could easily hate him at that moment.

Scooping up a small amount, glaring at the little boy across from me, I plumped it into my mouth, gagging at contact. Clenching my eyes closed, chewing slowly, I finally swallowed, opening watery eyes at Josh,

"…delicious…" tearing open the juice box and downing half of it

Digging into it, Josh was done with his share in a matter of minutes. I took me a good hour to finish off my own. Afterward, I sat by the front door, waiting for Relena to come home while Josh watched TV. I didn't want to be near him. I didn't know if there was anything else he would try to make me do.

Somewhere between being certain I was going to throw up and waiting, I had fallen asleep, waking up to a door ramming into my skull. I was being blessed with painful wake-up of calls today.

Flying forward, clutching the back of my head, crying out in pain, I glared at the open door and Relena's stained, exhausted, and not exactly apologetic state

"Why do you keep hitting me!"

Staring down at me, she shook her head and stepped in, closing the door behind her, "Do I want to know why your head was in front of the door?" stepping over me, dropping her bag on the floor by the couch as she walked by.

"I was asleep!" stumbling to my feet and then crashing back down when the pain flared at my attempt to stand, "I thought I was going to die from Josh's experiments with food!"

Stopping, looking at the kitchen and back at me, she grinned a little, "What'd he use?" lifting a sleeping boy from the couch, resting his little head on her shoulder

"Skittles!" glaring at the little devil with bizarre taste buds in her arms

Looking almost apologetic, again, she shook her head and walked down the hallway, quickly returning minus Josh, "Skittles are the worst but gummy worms aren't any better" untying her apron and handing it on a hook on the wall. I had never noticed that hook.

"If you know how awful it is, why do you agree to eat it?" my stomach didn't understand why anybody would go through such torture

Shrugging, scratching her head, she looked back down to me, "How's your head?" smirking as the words left her mouth

"Killing me!" wincing as the pain suddenly grew, this place was doing something to me. This place was become more and more of a headache

"Want me to kiss it?"

For a moment, I considered it to be a serious question and if it were I would have accepted, "ha ha very funny"

"I thought so" kicking off her shoes and plopping down on the couch, hunching over the arm

Following, laying down and propping my feet up on the opposite arm, I moaned and kept moaning until her hand handed limply on my head, combing my hair with her fingers, "Please, shut up" she said with a breath of air

Doing as asked, I fell asleep again, somehow moving my head to her lap. Whether she was just too tired to notice or didn't care, I didn't know. All I knew was that even if she was at Pizza Inn all day, she still smelled amazing.

The apartment still smelled of baked apples.

Josh's experiments and questions still left me sore and nauseated.

But for the first time, in a long time, I felt happy. It was an odd feeling; it was like I was missing something. It wasn't until I woke up that I realized what it was.

I was missing the feeling of missing something.

This place, this place of surprises and stomachaches, felt like a home.

For the first time, I believed in the saying…

'things happen for a reason'

**sorry that it's so long! **I couldn't really find a good stopping point. And again, it was a hard chapter to write. So, I'm afraid that it might not be detailed enough or maybe even a little boring? But, I did read through it, adding things that I felt needed to be added. So...if that didn't help, I'm sowwi. I'm not rewriting it. Nooooo way.

**(random! I often watch movies and pretend Relena and Heero are the main characters. Well, I was watching August Rush and I thought it was PERFECT! Heero as the broken rock band singer, Relena as the proper cello {or is it chello?} player! BUT ANYWAY! I thought it'd be a pretty cool AU, ya know? anyway...)**

Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :) I, again, enjoyed all your reviews. They are good encouragment! review please ;)

Sorry for any mistakes :( I'm not perfect lol


	9. Cast Me Gently

Secrets and Lullabies

_Chapter Nine_: Cast Me Gently

By Oblivious-Bystander

I woke up to a pleasant warm feeling, yet an aching neck. I couldn't understand why I was in an upright position, and not in my bed. Or, at least I didn't think it was my bed…

Fluttering my eyes open, the living room wall came into view. A lamp was on in the corner and the world was quiet. Looking around, I caught a glimpse of a foot at the other end of the couch, propped up on the arm.

Following it to the person's face in my lap, my heart fluttered to find it was Heero.

His chocolate locks were in his face, his breathing was low, and he was at peace. I couldn't recall a time with him when he was so…so gentle.

Running a finger along his jaw, memorized by the view, he stirred, making my heart stop in its tracks.

Jerking my hand back, I held my breath as his eyes slid open, revealing the ocean blue hiding under his eyelids.

After a few moments, his eyes locked with mine. He didn't look shocked, embarrassed, or afraid. He just looked calm.

He looked like it was an everyday thing to him. Then, I realized, I wish it was an everyday thing.

Reaching up, tangling his fingers in my blonde strands, he slowly pulled me down further and further to his face. With each passing inch, his lips came that much closer to my own. With each passing inch, my body grew warm.

Hot air grazed my face, his life escaping his parted lips.

It didn't take long till my heart screamed at me. He was what I wanted. And, I couldn't pretend that I didn't. Not with him here under the same roof, same home. I couldn't hide my feelings, not when they were so strong.

I couldn't hide from him.

'_Just a little closer…'_

Just when the moment came and our lips brushed each others, a voice rang through the apartment, making both of us jerk away. Somehow, he ended up crashing to the floor in his escape.

"Mommy!" the voice rang again, stressed and louder.

'_Josh'_

The terror in his voice made my blood run cold. Before I even reached the hallway, I came up with the worst possibilities in my head. Could Daniel be here? Was there a stranger in the room? Was he having some horrible fatal pain? Was he sick?

Stopping at my bedroom doorway, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders, coming out as a sigh. There in my bed, Josh sat perfectly fine. The room was empty of any other life and he was okay.

Smiling softly, I leaned against the doorway, watching him, "What is it, Josh?" eyeing his look of unease.

Sniffling, running a hand under his nose, he whimpered, "I had a bad dream"

He usually had those…

Frowning, walking in, I sat on the bed beside him, pulling him into my lap as I leaned against the headboard. Immediately, he curled up into a ball in my arms, burying his face in chest.

Caressing his back, holding him tight, I rocked back in forth. Closing my eyes, encouraging to him calm down with my touch, I hummed a soft melody.

I sang his fears away.

_I will be the answer_

_At the end of the line_

_I will be there for you_

_While you take the time_

_In the burning of uncertainty_

_I will be your solid ground_

_I will hold the balance _

_If you can't look down_

_If it takes my whole life_

_I won't break I won't bend_

_It will be worth it_

_Worth it in the end_

_Because I can only tell you what I know_

_That I need you in my life_

_When the stars have all gone out_

_You'll still be burning so bright_

_Cast me gently_

_Into morning_

_For the night has been unkind_

_Take me to a_

_Place so holy_

_So that I can wash this from my mind_

_The memory of choosing not to fight_

_If it takes my whole life_

_I won't break I won't bend_

_It will be worth it _

_Worth it in the end_

_Because I can only tell you what I know_

_That I need you in my life_

_When the stars have all burned out_

_You'll still be burning so bright_

_Cast me gently_

_Into morning_

_For the night has been unkind_

By the time the lullaby ended, his body was relaxed, his breathing was slow, and he was fast asleep on my chest, free of fear.

Brushing the hair away from his face, looking at him deeply, I cherished his soft features in my mind. I held on to the childish needs. Someday, he wouldn't need me anymore and I would be alone.

Suddenly lonely at the thought, I looked up to the hallway, oddly comforted to see Heero standing there leaning against the doorframe, still groggy from sleep.

The way he looked so at home sent sparks through my spine.

Picking Josh up lightly, pressing him deeper into my grasp, I pulled back the covers and tucked him under, kissing his forehead before I turned off the bedside lamp.

Even in the darkness, I found my way to the hallway without difficulty and stopped in front of Heero before even running into him.

Something about his presence made me feel warm, needed. It was a feeling that threatened to reassure me he would need me long after Josh didn't. It was the feeling I wanted. Love.

Brushing past him, grabbing onto his shirt to pull him along, I flicked on the light in the kitchen. Looking back, I smirked at the sight of Heero hiding behind his hand, the sudden flood of light blinding him.

Taking a seat at the table, him joining me, I looked down at the wood's surface, running my fingers across it, thinking. But even as I tried to concentrate on one thing, my mind would lead to another. I couldn't stop thinking about the past, the present, and what I wanted of the future.

I couldn't stop thinking about Daniel. I couldn't stop thinking about Josh. I couldn't stop thinking about Heero.

Glancing up from behind my eyelashes, observing the man beside me with his face tucked away in his hands, I cleared my throat, causing him to stir slowly, "You had questions to ask…right?"

A select few knew the real answers to the questions of my life. It wasn't something I gave away like candy. The memories were strong, the pain was deep, and the fear was loud.

But for some reason, over everything else, I wanted to tell him my secrets. I wanted to tell him my life. I wanted him to know what I had been hiding from the world for so long.

Glancing up, glaring at the bright light from the ceiling, he shrugged, "yeah, I guess so"

Watching him, fiddling with my fingers and thumbs, I spoke again, "I'm ready to answer them now" testing my voice

Looking up, examining my face with uncertainty, he shook his head, "You don't have to tell me anythi-"

"I want to"

Stopping, watching me closely, he leaned back into his seat, "These won't be easy questions"

I just nodded in reply, waiting for the feeling of regret. But, it never came. I just watched him, prepared to tell him anything and everything he wanted to know, from my first memory to my last.

Clearing his throat, looking down at the table a moment, he looked back at me, "You have to answer truthfully"

"Of course" hardly keeping still in my seat

I could hardly contain the odd feeling of excitement.

Satisfied, he leaned closer, putting his elbows back on the table, "First question…

"Who's Daniel?"

* * *

**Okay. SO SO SO SO SO (bunch more) SO SO SORRY for the long delay. =[ School is a real bitch. And because i waited so long to continue, my mind was blank of what to write. So I'm sorry that it's so short. And...not as entertaining. Buuuuut. we got the lullaby :)**

**It is "Answer" by Sarah McLachlan. I know its not a REAL lullaby but i really don't care. I thought it fit. **

**I know i said i would update on Never was, Isn't now, Never will buuuuut. i think that one will have to wait a liiiiiittle longer. I'm so sorry. I'm doing my best. **

**Sorry again. Please review. I'll try not to wait so long till the next update. =] byez**


	10. Drowning Within A Memory

Secrets and Lullabies

_Chapter Ten_: Drowning Within A Memory

By Oblivious-Bystander

_A bright light burning my eyes stirred me from my slumber. If I had dreamed, I couldn't remember what it was. Although, something told me it wasn't anything good. _

_Squinting my eyes open, throwing a heavy hand to my face, I stretched my legs into the space beside me. To my surprise, it was empty._

_Looking over, confused, I made circles in the empty space some more. The sheets were cold. The body that was supposed to be there hadn't been there for awhile…_

_Skimming the room, I tried to look for any form of note or explanation for such a horrible morning greeting. To my disappointment, I found none. Sitting up straight, groaning when a headache answered my questions, I sighed heavily at the silence drowning me. _

_After a few moments of waiting, looking for any sound of life, I crawled out of bed and padded to each and every room, poking my head into all the doorways. Empty._

_Making it to the living room/kitchen, I found it, too, empty. My heart sank. Where was he? It was only six in the morning for crying out loud! It was normally hell waking him up at noon!_

_Huffing, running a hand across my face, my eyes ran across the contents of the room: Ugly lamp, those sofa's don't match, we need to repaint these walls, Empty picture frame, empty picture frame, broken remote, cell phone…_

'_Cell phone?'_

_Standing still a moment, I eyed the object before me. It was the one thing I wasn't allowed to see, touch, go through, and so on. It being there, standing out, pulled me closer. Before I knew it, it was in my hands, being turned and examined._

_Swallowing, flipping it open, I looked over the buttons: call, send, end, menu, messages…_

'_messages'_

_Clicking it, I read the files quietly to myself, "89 outbox…100 inbox" _

_Already, my heart was sinking in fear. I didn't have a cell phone and he didn't text his friends…so who?_

_Holding my breath, closing my eyes and clicking at random, I was greeted with lines of words in an organized column. With each word, my word began to crumple_

_: I can't wait to see you:_

_: You're so sexy:_

_: Hey cutie__:_

_: Send me a picture =]:_

_: Last night was fun:_

_: She doesn't know:_

'_She doesn't know'_

_Trembling, pressing random button after button, I tried to erase the messages from my view. I shouldn't know this. This isn't right. It shouldn't be there. It was a lie._

_But, in my efforts, a series of thumbnails of color popped up on the screen. Pictures. One after the other, flesh was exposed in different angles, different areas. And, in each picture, it was the same woman. A woman other than myself. _

_She was beautiful, tall, skinny, tan, dark hair…perfect. She looked like a goddess. She was my relationships destruction._

_Absorbed in the horrors on the screen, I let out a scream when I heard a bang ahead of me. Looking up with a jerk, Daniel stood in front of the door, half way through his sentence, "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up, I was-"_

_His face fell, his shoulders tensed, and his eyes froze. Following his gaze, I looked back down at the cellular device resting on my fingertips. Panicking, I dropped it and backed away. Ready to explain but a thought hit me…_

_What did I have to explain? He was the wrong one here… He was cheating. _

_Clearing my throat, looking up to his face, I tried to gather courage that I wasn't sure I had, "Who is she?"_

_Ignoring me, he stepped forward and walked past me to the fridge, "are you hungry?"_

_Confused, I clenched my fist and eyed the terror on the floor, "I said, who is she?" not bothering to turn to look at him. _

_Then, before I had time to think, I was on the floor with pain flaring in my side. Just when I connected two and two together, I was being dragged._

_Screaming, kicking, grabbing at the hands grasping my hair, I tried to wrap my head around the situation. Who is this person? This isn't Daniel. It can't be. He wouldn't do this!_

_But my mental screams were silenced when I was lifted from the floor and slammed roughly on the bed, pinned and stripped. The lust in his eyes was so vibrant. The murderous intent in his hands was so frightening. _

_Pushing away, clawing at anything I could reach, I couldn't hold back my screams, "Daniel, Daniel stop!"_

_But he didn't stop. He didn't answer. He didn't do anything but hurt and fight me._

_He did nothing but plunge into my virgin core. He did nothing but rape me and leave me to be found by my two best friends, Trowa and Hilde._

_He left me bloody, broken, and beaten. A promise broken. _

"Who's Daniel?" Heero said again, a little louder.

Looking up, surprised, I cleared my throat, shaken from the memory. He deserved to know. I wanted to him to know.

Clearing my thoughts once more, I began my story.

"He used to be my ex…"

* * *

**First thing is first. I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LONG DELAY! I didn't forget about the story I promise. I think about it all the time. Don't give up on me. NO MATTER HOW LONG the wait is for a new chapter I swear there will be a new one till this thing is finished. Trust me. **

**Also, I'm sorry it's short. And I'm sorry its half-assed. =[. I wanted to write something for you guys. You've waited for so long. So if it sucks...I'm sorry. At least you know what happened. **

**As for the other stories, they are going to have to wait too. I have a lot of homework now-a-days and don't have a lot of free time. And, when I do, I don't have the inspiration to write anything. But thank you all for waiting if you have. I'll try to be quicker with updates. **

**Sorry again...review...?**


	11. I'll Protect You

Secrets and Lullabies

_Chapter Eleven_: I'll Protect You

By Oblivious-Bystander

I had stared at her for awhile, eyeing her sudden change. Before, she was so confident and sure of herself but now, something changed. She hadn't said anything for a good minute or two, opening and closing her hands staring off into the past. Or, that's what I assumed.

Feeling selfish for growing inpatient, I pushed the feeling away and said again, "Who's Daniel?" a little too soft for my own ears.

She blinked, paused, tensed for a moment but didn't respond with words. She was lost it seemed, far away. But, I knew she had heard me.

So. I waited. I waited for her snap out of any memory she was in. I waited for her to return the present, to me, to the place I hope she knew she was safe.

It felt like I had sat there for an hour, watching her memorize her tile floor texture. When I couldn't wait any longer, I spoke again, loud and clear, "Who's Daniel" wincing a little at my tone.

Startled, snapping up in surprise, her eyes focused on mine in a daze. There was something there that I couldn't place, something dark and unforgiving.

Just when I was about to give up on the question, she shifted in her seat, cleared her throat and looked everywhere before, finally, locking eyes with me. She was beautiful. She was rich. She was real. She was exactly what I wanted her to be.

"He used to be my ex…" she began, delaying slightly at a hidden detail, "I met him through Trowa…in high school." Speaking so low I almost couldn't hear her, but one thing she said stuck out in my mind.

'_Trowa…' _

The name of my old friend made me tense. For some reason, jealousy overwhelmed me at the very simple word. There was something there I didn't know, that I wanted to know. Yet, I was afraid to know.

Continuing, gathering her jumbled thoughts, she straightened, "Trowa, Hilde, and I were all good friends in grade school. We were a trio, a gang of little trouble makers…" smiling lightly as she recalled the memories, "But, as time went on and we all…matured…we began to separate. Trowa joined a group of loud foulmouthed jocks while Hilde and I formed a group of our own consisting of just us two…

"Having known me for the majority of my life, when Trowa found out that Daniel showed…interest in me…he did what he could for a friend and set us up, combining out two groups into a cluster of teenagers with bad attitudes.

"When me, Hilde, and Trowa met, we all joined together because of one similarity. We didn't have a family. Hilde lost her parents in a car accident when she younger, Trowa never met them, and mine were lost in a house fire leaving me alone with my only relative, Milliardo, who, soon after meeting Daniel, disappeared and never came back…"

The beginning of her story surprised me. From her personality, she didn't seem like a troublemaker or someone who had lived their life alone. She seemed…very family oriented. I would never really have guessed her life to be as hard as it had been…It was somewhat of a shock.

"It was our senior year, we were graduating, Daniel had money, I believed I loved him, we moved in together, Hilde and I spoke less but still some, I only saw Trowa when he came to see Daniel and from what I knew he and Hilde hung out often. For the most part, after high school, my life revolved around Daniel"

She paused, letting out a breath I wasn't aware she had been holding. The truth was coming, I could tell and it took all of me to not just take her up in my arms and wash away it all. But, I knew, that couldn't be done. So, I waited for her to continue….patiently this time. Or, at least I tried.

After a few short moments, she saved me from having to wait, which was very much appreciated

"One day, I woke up alone… which was odd because I never woke up alone. Daniel was always there beside me, and he usually stayed there till noon to where I had to practically pull him out onto the floor to break him away from his dreams… But, he wasn't there and I couldn't find him. And, while searching for him, I found something else instead, his cell phone…

"He wasn't very strict on a lot of things but he was serious about that phone. You weren't allowed to look at it. You weren't allowed to go through you. You weren't allowed to use it, end of story. So, I got curious, not having a phone for myself and…went through it. All I found was someone else, a girl… That was when Daniel decided to walk in"

Unable to control myself, I leaned in closer, imagining her story, "What'd he do?" I could just see her, tangled from sleep, holding a phone in her small hands

Watching me a moment, sighing, she continued, "He tried to act like it didn't just happen. When I tried to find out who she was…he threw me down and dragged me down the hall by my hair and…"

Her pause didn't result with confusion. I had a good idea what she meant but something made me say it, "and?" I didn't want to guess, I wanted to know.

"And…he raped me. I don't understand what drove him to do it. I don't understand why he had a sudden change in heart but he did. Not too long after he left, Trowa and Hilde showed up to see Daniel and Hilde to surprise me. I, obviously, wasn't a pretty sight…

"…Either way, they got me out, moved me away and a month or so later…guess what…I'm pregnant"

Not seeing it before made me feel like an idiot. Of course that's where Josh came from, "Josh" He was a mistake…a rape mistake.

Not acknowledging I said anything, she continued, "I couldn't get rid of it. It was a part of me and…never really having a family of my own…I wanted it. And, somehow, over half way through the pregnancy, Daniel found out. He searched for me. He called the cops on me. He did everything in his power to find me and once…he did. Luckily enough, Trowa was there to kick his ass" smiling quietly at the thought.

"I don't understand" I heard myself say, "Trowa came here with Daniel a couple days ago. They seemed good friends" actually a little pissed about the face of it.

Nodding, she intertwined her fingers making a solid lock that no key could break, "It was a part of our plan… After I would have the baby, Hilde and I would move away to the colonies and Trowa would stay behind, stay friends with Daniel, and warn us if he ever got close to our location. But somewhere along the way, our communication was lost and his moving up here was an unpleasant surprise…as I'm sure you remember"

I did remember. I remembered it all, from her panicking at the table to jumping up and over the seat to escape him.

Watching her a moment, her fragile face and small frame, I tried to imagine just how hard it was to raise and care for a baby alone. It seemed about impossible. But, seeing Josh now, I knew she did something right. Even so, I was curious.

"How'd you do it?" glancing back to the hallway holding the pathway to little boy in question

"I…just…did, I guess" shrugging her shoulders, looking up in thought, "It was hard at first, caring for a newborn, getting a job that would allow me to bring him to work with me, getting enough money for an apartment, food, baby supplies. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life but…luckily Hilde was with me and she had a nice little trust fund for college that she never used…" chuckling softly

She was so strong, I couldn't believe it.

This woman, with sleep weighing down her figure, went through so much.

I didn't have any words to say.

But before I even thought about it, a single sentence slipped from my lips.

"I'll protect you"

And, all she did was nod in agreement.

* * *

**I know this still isn't quite as long as normal but at least it's something. I've had this for awhile actually just had to revise it. So, I'm sorry for the unneeded wait. BUT! I kinda sorta skipped school today and have nothing to do so I'm thinking Ima write juuuuuust for you guys :) Or try anyway. I do believe i owe Never was, Isn't now, Never will I chapter? LETS GET TO IT!**

**R&R? Pwetty pwetty pwease? =]**


	12. Life was Good

**I'm back! Sort of... Well, lately I've been reading fanfics again. I feel guilty for putting off my own for so long. I don't have an excuse. I just couldn't think of what to write. I had writers block. for months. But I got a review today on two of my stories. I guess it gave me enough to push to actually update at least one of them. Have hope on Never was, Isn't now, Never will. I WILL update that soon. But like this one, I haven't figured out what I wanna do with it... **

**Plus, I have two other stories I've been working on. I think I have about 6 chapters for one of them...but stumped on where to go with it. Need to revise it. And the other, well it only has 2 chapters...3 soon. But I'm not giving up on these stories. I appreciate those who are still reading my fanfictions. **

**I'm sorry for my delay. Enjoy this chapter? It's been awhile since I've written a fanfic chapter so I might be alittle rusty. gotta get back into the mood lol. I have a good idea where I'll be taking this. I think several future chapters ahead and the ending. Just gotta put it down into words =]. Wish me luck. **

**Expect new stories and updates soon. Sorry for the delay. a thousand times over. It's been far too long (sorry for any missing words, grammer mistakes or if i switch from first to third person I'm really bad about doing that) R&R**

Secrets and Lullabies

_Chapter Twelve_: Life was Good

By Oblivious-Bystander

The events from the night before were still vivid in my mind. If I hadn't known any better, I would have thought it was just a couple minutes ago. Sadly, I knew better. Well, it wasn't that sad.

Standing in the bathroom, door closed, air humid, I combed my wet hair till it was free of tangles. Considering how long it was, it wasn't a quick process. Because it wasn't a quick process, it was normally avoided but today, well today was different, a good different.

Last night, after I lifted a dark secret from my shoulders, after Heero told me he'd protect me, and after we went to our separate beds; I lay awake in my mine thinking. In most situations, at least in the past or a few hours ago, thinking was my worst enemy.

If I was thinking of Daniel, I was scared.

If I was thinking of Josh, I was worried.

If I was thinking of adult responsibilities, I was stressed.

If I was thinking of Heero, I cursed the distraction.

But as I spent the night thinking, I thought about it all. For some reason, Daniel was just a day from the past. I wasn't afraid of him. I had Heero.

I wasn't afraid of losing Josh or feeling guilty for his lack of a male role model. He had Heero.

I wasn't afraid about getting the bills turned in, in time. Heero and I shared the bills.

I wasn't ashamed of thinking about Heero.

He put a smile on my face in the worst situations.

Starring at my reflection, smiling to myself, I made a mental promise to myself.

From now on, things would be different.

I wasn't going to run…not anymore.

And it felt good.

After a short moment, letting my promise sink in, I was filled with a sudden energy. Bursting from the bathroom, water slinging from my hair to surrounding objects as quietly ran down the hall to where I Heero slept. I could care less if all I had was a towel.

In fact, it made me run faster.

Trying my best to not wake Josh, I held in every squeal within me. But in its place, without a moment's hesitation, I pounced upon the sleeping figure on its side, revealing nothing but a mass of hair.

"What the fu-"

But before he could finish his startled statement, I scrambled to a sitting position and

I stopped him my kiss.

I didn't have to open my eyes to see his reaction. I had a good idea what it was. He was really tense at first, holding his hands away from me. Although, it didn't take long until he pulled me close into his arms, holding me close, exactly where I wanted to be.

After a short minute, maybe not so short, he pulled away. I couldn't help but grin at his drunken look.

His eyes wondered, from my face to…lower areas. I knew what he found when his eyebrows shot up and his cheeks turned a light red. I figured it'd be too feminine to call it pink.

Well, it was pink.

Clearing his throat, glancing back up to me before he looked back down, he struggled with his words. It didn't seem easy for him to form a sentence. I guess I can understand. It's not every day you're pounced on by a girl and welcomed with a kiss to only notice that the only thing covering her up is a thin towel.

But with the lack of my sexual activity over the years, I'm not sure I'd stop to take a second look.

"I see you're…uh…you're naked" never taking his eyes away from the simple fabric, being sure to pronounce the word 'naked' clearly.

"I'm not naked. I'm in a towel." Grinning sheepishly, it wasn't every day I was given the opportunity to be a smartass.

"You're naked" he repeated, poking my covered hip like it'd dissolve away at the touch.

I hope he wasn't too disappointed.

"You only want me naked"

"Is that an invitation?" grinning, ripping his eyes away from my body and still covered hip.

I could only assume he was undressing me with his eyes…or trying to figure out how, dissolving obviously didn't work.

Before I could answer, he threw another question at me.

"Is this how you wake all your houseguests? Roommates? Neighbors?"

Shaking my head, whacking him across the nose, earning an objection, I stumbled back to my room. In the door way stood a little man rubbing his eyes, stretching his mouth as far as it would go with a yawn. Prying his eyes open, looking at me closely, he mumbled.

"Mommy…I heard someone running" giving me a look that said 'even I don't walk around in my towel'

Grinning, crouching down to my knees as best as I could with a towel holding them together, I pulled him close, "I gave Heero a good morning pounce." Wiggling my eyebrows

Without another word, he darted past me down the hall and disappeared into the air around the corner. The next thing I heard was a loud grunt.

"Argh! The boys! Don't jump on the boys!"

"Mommy said she gave you a good morning pounce!"

"Yeah, but she didn't knee the boys!"

"…the boys?"

"…yeah…my…your…nevermind"

Laughing, shutting my door to get dressed, I had only gotten into a bra and panties when it burst back open. With a shriek, I was flung onto the bed by a pair of strong arms, arms I was starting to recognize.

Shortly after, my hips were connected with a pair of tiny knees, making me cry out.

I recognized those too.

"argh! Josh, don't knee me!"

"We had to give you a good morning pounce too!"

"yeah…I can see that" laughing, trying to sit up, rubbing where he hit me. I was positive there'd be bruise there later.

Looking up at Josh, I saw his cheeks blush a deep crimson as he looked at me. In a flash, without a second to lose, his little hands were covering Heero's eye, sprawling on his back

"MOMMY'S NAKED! YOU CAN'T SEE!"

Bursting into laughter, Heero said something I didn't understand but, oh, did I want to.

"Josh, you said I could take a shower with mommy…just like you" trying to pry his little fingers from his eye sockets

Confused, scrunching his little brows, he looked at me.

"You're not naked when you're in the shower" giving me his mastered five year old 'duh' look

Now, I had to laugh. I couldn't help myself. Who could resist? I certainly couldn't.

Trying to breath, failing terribly, I looked at Josh deep in the eye, "No, no, no, sweetheart, you're naked when you're in the shower. When you have underwear or anything covering you up, you're not naked anymore"

Thinking it over, his eyes grew wide. His mouth dropped open and he started to throw his arms around Heero's eyes, screaming, kicking and wailing.

"YOU CAN'T SHOWER WITH MOMMY!"

Before I knew it, the room was filled with laughter. My side pinched, my cheeks grew sore and I couldn't breathe. I didn't care if I was going to be late for work. I didn't care if it resulted with me losing my job. I didn't care if my son finally starting to understand the little things, though I don't know how he figured it out. I just didn't care.

Life was good. Life is great.

"I love you, Josh" placing a hand over my pounding heart

With a cheeky grin, he threw his eyes around me. "I love you too!"

I couldn't think of a thing that could go wrong. Not a thing.

And in my mind, as I glanced at Heero around Josh's arms, I mentally said what I had just discovered, no matter how foolish it sounded…

'I love you, Heero'

**TBC**


	13. Daddy Heero

**Secrets and Lullabies**

_Chapter Thirteen_: Daddy Heero

By Oblivious-Bystander

Yo Gabba Gabba streaming from the living room, I couldn't help but gush about the past view weeks. Heero living with me, Josh loving him to death, and Daniel a distant thought in my mind

I couldn't believe how well everything was going. Bills were no longer a problem with having Heero around. The atmosphere was very…family like. The fridge was full of food and we had just gotten Josh a whole new collection of rocket ships. As it turns out, Heero was a mechanic for all the ships and shuttles in the area. Finding out Josh had a fascination with them gave him a childish glee to have something in common with my son.

I couldn't be happier.

Smiling at the realization, I absently fold and put away laundry, including Heero's. His small bag of clothes are now hanging neatly beside mine in my closet, or should I say "our closet".

He now has own bathroom products arranged neatly with all of mine. Everything seems to be falling into place.

I haven't heard anything about Daniel since the chaos at the restaurant. In fact, it feels like it was ages ago. I haven't even heard from Hilde or Trowa. I should call them…

Pleased with the now empty basket of clothes, I walk back into the living room where Josh is still glued to the TV, dancing and singing along. Grinning, I take a look into the fridge and cabinets, pondering the possibilities for dinner.

'_I wonder what Heero would like…'_

Most of the dinner choices in the past few weeks have been up to Josh, without the absence of odd ingredients. Heero is still getting used to it. Each time is just as humorous as the last. If not more...

Glancing around the apartment, I am almost disappointed I have nothing to really clean. Josh's toys have long since been put away due to his new all time favorite show being on. The laundry has been folded and hung. The floors have been vacuumed and mopped. Everything has been dusted and the bathroom has been cleaned to a shining perfection. The dishes have been washed and put away and it's only two in the afternoon.

Heero doesn't come home till five. Then, I go for my night shift at the diner at eight.

Josh still just as absorbed in his show, I decide to try and find my phone and give Hilde and Trowa a call. Hilde has been there for me in anything and everything; I can't be shady when a man comes around. Plus, Trowa just moved back. I need to reconnect with him.

Digging my phone out of my bag or diaper bag if one would like to get specific, I effortlessly dial Hilde's number. It's as clear as Josh's birthday in my mind.

_Ring…Ring…Ring…Ring..-_

"_Relena? How are you? Are you alright? Where's Josh?"_

Chuckling softly, realizing it has been too long since we've spoken, I reply calmly, _"Hilde, everything is alright. Calm down. Everything has been great, I just thought it's been awhile since we've talked and that I should call and catch up"_

A sigh of relief stretches through the phone, sending another grin to my face.

"_Oh Relena, just since the last time I saw you you were running away from Daniel, I expected the worst. Trowa told me he dropped him off at the shuttle without problem but you never know"_

"_Well everything is fine. Heero and I are splitting bills, we're getting the rest of his stuff from his apartment tomorrow, and life just seems so stress free now" _

"_Oh honey, I'm happy to hear that. But... Relena…" _

Her pause takes me by surprise. She has never been one to really question anything. She may be bubbly and down for a gossip throw down but nothing really makes her uncertain. I don't respond, encouraging her to continue.

"_Relena, do you think this thing with Heero is moving a little fast? He moved in with you the day ya'll met. What about Josh?"_

"_What do you mean, 'What about Josh?'"_

"_Well, all this has been sprung on him kinda quickly don't you think? I mean, I don't hope this happens, but what if you and Heero don't work out? Do you think Josh could handle losing a father figure after not having one his whole life?"_

I couldn't speak. I felt ashamed of myself. A bad mother. Not once did I consider that possibility. Josh loves Heero, how would he handle that? Or, what does he think about this situation with Heero? What if Heero and I get really serious and he's not mommy's only little man anymore? How could I have missed this?

"_Relena? I'm sorry, you shouldn't worry yourself. I'm happy things have been going good for you"_

Still ashamed, I mumble a response_, "I-Oh my God…Hilde, why didn't I even think of that? What kind of mother am I?" _

"_Relena! Don't you dare say that about yourself, you are a GREAT mother! G.R.E.A.T. Mother! Do you understand me?" _spelling the word out like an over cheery cheerleader.

"_But Hilde, I-It didn't even cross my mind-"_

"_No Relena, stop. Everything has been going great and you were doing the right thing, you weren't worrying about the possible negative. Forget I mentioned it"_

But I couldn't forget it. How could I forget it?

'_Is coming into a relationship with a child even something Heero wants?'_

"_Hilde, it's okay. How are you? You and Duo?"_

And the gossip just poured from her mouth like an endless river. I half-listened to what she had to say after established that her and Duo were still a hot mess of new love and affection. Hell, I was a hot mess of new love and affection too. But I'd like to think I've handled this relationship with the presence of a child well. We don't sleep together. We aren't all over each other. We don't show any obvious affection towards each other that Josh would really think twice about. The only time we do is when Josh isn't around or asleep. I still love my Josh just the same, care for him as I always did.

'_But why did the possibility of this not working for him not cross my mind?'_

Glancing over at Josh, still absorbed in his show, I began to wonder what he thought about it. Watching him, I came to a resolve.

"_-then he just popped that same cherry in his mouth right off the floor and kept walking! Oh! Oh! Then he-"_

"_Hilde" _cutting her off sharply

"_Yeah?"_

"_I'm going need to finish this conversation later, hun. I need to talk to Josh about this"_

"_Oh honey, I am so sorry for even bringing that thought up. It just came out of my mouth like vomit"_

Grinning, I couldn't help but feel an undying love for my friend more than ever, _"No Hilde, it's alright. I do need to see how he feels about this. I love you"_

"_I love you too, boo! Call me soon, we really have been out of touch lately"_

"_Will do, Hild, I'll call you. Bye"_

And with a click, I let out a sigh and ran my hands across my face. Taking another look across the room at Josh, he peeks back at me.

Standing, walking over to where he sat on the couch, I turned off the television. His face showed instant objection.

"Hey! What'd you do that for?"

Smiling sympathetically at his pouting face, I sat next to him, running my fingers through his hair, "I need to talk to you for a minute, baby"

Crossing his little arms, and pouting at his reflection in the TV, he huffed, "About what!"

"About Heero"

Instantly, his whole body reacted. He was alert and interested in anything I was about to tell him. It warmed my heart and saddened it at the same time. What if this didn't work out with Heero? How crushed would he be?

"Baby, do you like Heero?"

Nodding furiously with a giant grin on his face, he turned towards me dramatically, "Heero is my friend!"

Smiling softly, I continued, "How do you feel about him living here with you and me?"

"I think it's awesome! Now he can play with me every day!"

"Yes, he can. Sweetie, what do you think about Heero and me?"

"He's your friend too!"

"Yes he is, but we're special friends, not like you being friends with him"

Confusion struck his face, "I know, mommy. You're the husband and wife kinda friends"

Stopping, looking at him closely, I couldn't hide my surprise, "How do you know that?"

"He told me he liked you in that different way"

Leaning back, looking at my son, I couldn't believe he already understood. "Baby, how would you feel is someday we all became our own little family like in the movies? With the Mommy and Daddy and baby"

"I thought we already were…" scratching his head, his little eyebrows furrowed.

"You think of Heero as your Daddy?" eyeing him closely

"Kinda. He's not my daddy but he acts like the ones in the movies"

Leaning closer, "How, sweetheart?"

"When you're not around, he cooks for me and helps me get dressed…He tucks me into bed and plays with me…He kisses me goodnight and is teaching me the 1,2,3's and A,B,C's!"

Leaning back, a wave of awe swept over me.

_'He's treating Josh as if he were his own… Was he just being nice? Or…"_

Looking back at Josh, I asked another question, "Baby…now I'm not saying this is going to happen, but how would you feel is Heero and Mommy, someday, didn't want to be special friends anymore?"

"Why wouldn't you?" a look of disappointment swept away any look of happiness from his face.

"I don't want that to ever happen, baby. I'm not saying it will. But if it did happen, how would you feel?"

"Sad"

Rubbing my hand through his hair, I sighed, finding my resolve, "You really love Heero don't you, Josh?"

Leaning into my hand, he slowly nods, "I never want him to leave"

Smiling, and hugging him close, I replied in a whisper, "Me either, baby. Me either"

* * *

**Alrighty, It has been well over a year since I've wrote anything for this. I apologize! :/ A lot has happened in that time, a lot of personal things. I've always meant to come back and continue but everytime I tried, I didn't have much interest for it. I just reread my previous chapters and it was easier to get an idea now that I don't remember the story scene per scene. So maybe you can hope for some more chapters if there is anyone out there that is still reading this. Also, reading through these chapters, I realized there were a lot of mistakes that I had missed. And some things didn't add up with previous chapters and I apologize for not catching them. Or, not even knowing my characters and storyline well enough not to write something to collide with some different scene. I did re-read through this but I'm sure there are still going to be mistakes. I am not a patient person. **

**BUT!...Here is chapter thirteen. It's short and sweet but if I can keep myself motivated to write more chapters, you can expect some more drama to come. Maybe something involving Daniel? Oooo the suspense. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and it's to your expectations. Please R&R. Be gentle with me! Let's get some motivation!**


	14. A Little Too Perfect

**Secrets and Lullabies**

_Chapter Fourteen: _A Little Too Perfect

By Oblivious-Bystander

Pushing open the front door, I am greeted with the smells of garlic butter, meat, and apples. To be honest, the smell of apples, these days, always make me feel calm. Taking a quick glance around the room, I found my target immediately.

Standing at the stove, humming as beautifully as bird, was the woman I had grown to care strongly for in the past few weeks. Before I could make my way by her side, little hands took hold of mine. Glancing down, knowing exactly who it was, I was greeted with the biggest blue eyes I had ever seen.

"Josh, my man, how have you been today?" swinging my arm around as his little grasp kept him dangling off the ground as I did so

Laughing his little boyish laugh, he responded the best he could, "Great!" holding on for dear life

Swinging his entire body to rest on my hip, I looked him square in his face, wondering how you come to love someone so small so quickly and strongly, "What'd you and mommy do today?"

Resting comfortably in my arms, he thought of a response, but just shrugged it away.

"Nothing, huh?" my heart melting entirely as the boy rested his head on my shoulder, his tiny body relaxing completely.

I had noticed the kid had taken some sort of liking to me over the past few weeks but never like this. But surprisingly enough to me, I couldn't help but feel pleased with the new connection I now had with the boy.

Swaying awkwardly, not used to all this pure affection, I glanced up at my previous target to be greeted with eyes just as blue as the boy's eyes in my arms. The smile on her face was so relaxed, calm, and loving. Her shoulders were slumped, and her posture at ease. Before I knew it, I was smiling back.

Walking towards me, her hand instantly caressing the child's hair as always, she stood a good couple inches below me, her eyes glued to mine

Clearing my throat, I felt my own devilish smirk, "Is it just me, or am I being a little overly greeted today? What's the bad news?"

Shaking her head, turning her attention to her son in my arms, she responded quietly, "Josh has really become attached to you hasn't he?"

Looking back down at the child, who was now limply asleep, I smirked once more, feeling the warmth in my heart spread at her words, "Yeah, I guess he has"

The rest of the night kind of flew by in a breeze. Josh was woken up to eat the beef stew and garlic bread Relena had made, ushered away to take a bath, and tucked away into bed. The same as every night, Relena's lullaby crept down the hallway as I washed the dishes and put away the leftovers.

It was shortly after that that Relena slipped into her diner uniform consisting of a short skirt and blouse and was moments from being on her way to the night shift.

It had only been a few weeks, and meeting her was unexpectedly eventful, but I always caught myself watching her. Missing her every time she went away. Feeling a familiar pull on the tip of my tongue when she was about to leave. Words I did not dare to speak.

Walking silently across the room towards my place in the kitchen, she placed her hands on my shoulders and pulled herself up to place a small kiss on my lips. It was never much but it didn't need to be.

Smiling down at her, tucking a stray hair behind her ear, I wished her a goodnight and, shortly after, she was out the door, locking it behind her.

Sighing, I couldn't believe how fast everything was moving. How perfect everything had been. By now, I had expected a least something to go wrong.

Perhaps Erin would show up. Or maybe that was tomorrow, when I got the remainder of my things.

Taking a seat at the kitchen table, facing the hallway and front door for security, I again thought on how much I cherished the small boy just down the hall.

'_You would think he was your own son the way you cherish him'_

Stopping at the thought, I growled. Nothing in my life had ever gone this fast or perfect. Something wasn't right about it. It wasn't supposed to be this calm every day.

Huffing, aggravated that I was even aggravated at my own life's perfection, I pulled out my phone and effortlessly dialed a number.

On the third ring, a chippie voice answered_, "Heero! Buddy! Long time no see!"_

Rolling my eyes, my hand diving into my hair, I groaned_, "Duo, why do you have Quatre's phone?" _

"_I've been staying with him! I just finished moving down yesterday, I called you but you didn't pick up. I thought for sure you were off!" _

"_And how would you know that"_ glaring at the dark living room ahead of me.

"_Because I called your boss to check and make sure!"_ his American accent biting into every word he said

"_I guess I was busy. Where's Win-"_

"_Ahhh, you must have been with that chickadee, Lena! You sly dog you! We should double date!"_

Ignoring him, I continued_, "Where's Winner, Duo? I need to speak with him"_

"_Oh, I thought you were calling to talk to me!" _fake disappointment ringing loud and clear

"_Why would I be calling to talk to you?"_ annoyance evident in my voice

"_Oh Heero, Stop it before you break my wittle heart!"_ Duo said, using a terrible feminine voice before hollering away from the phone for Quatre.

Tapping my fingers, not really knowing what I had called for, I waited. I would have just walked over to his apartment if it weren't for the child asleep in the back room.

"_Heero?"_ said a soft familiar voice through the phone

"_Quatre,"_ stopping to glance at the time on the over top, 9:55pm_, "I'm not exactly sure why I called, I would've just come over but…Josh is asleep"_ feeling a foolish now for calling

"…_Oh alright, is everything okay? I haven't heard from you in a while"_ concern lacing every word

"_Everything is fine…actually, everything has been going perfect. Perhaps a little too perfect" _mumbling the last few words

"_Hmmm…You're getting along okay?" _

"_Perfectly. Relena and I…I don't know. She makes me feel…well she makes me FEEL and her son, I just can't believe the…attachment…we share"_ tripping over my thoughts, clenching my eyes shut, hoping for some sort of answer

"_Do you love them?" _

The question was very forward and blunt that it caught me off guard. Blinking several times, searching for an answer, I found myself…almost afraid of the answer.

"_I…I don't-"_

Cutting me off, he said it again, _"Do you love them?"_

Sighing, my chest tightening, I slumped back into my chair and closed my eyes, _"I guess I was hoping you could answer that question for me. Everything has been going so well, too well. I just…"_

Suddenly, a different voice cut in, "_You fool! Lowering yourself to a woman!"_

Flashing my eyes open, I rocked back against the table_, "Wufei?"_

"_I thought you were a man, Yuy!"_ I could see the disapproval on his face

"_I-…"_

"_Heero! Don't listen to this ape! Follow your heart, champ!"_ Duo's voice broke through the line

"_Duo, what are you-"_

"_Relena and Josh are good people. If you decide to pursue a long lasting relationship with them, you have to promise me to always protect them"_ came a voice I didn't recognize right away

"…_Trowa"_

"_Heero, I know we have always had our differences, but Relena and Josh are very special to me. I need to know if I can trust you to keep them safe"_

"_What does it matter you? You obviously didn't do a good enough job protecting her in the first place otherwise she wouldn't need protecting"_ I felt the rage spill from my mouth as randomly venomous as humanly possible

"_Heero, you may know part of the story due to her good nature but you don't know all of it. I didn't know Daniel was someone to be worried about" he_ bit back

Swallowing my words, glaring at the floor, I let out a heavy sigh, _"I have come to care for Relena and her son in more ways than I thought possible."_

After a brief pause, his voice came through the phone like silk, _"I trust you will protect her should Daniel ever return? He now knows she is here"_

Taking that thought into consideration, I hardened my stare to the hallway entrance with a new decision, _"I'll kill him if he tried to touch either of them"_

A grunt of approval was his only response before the call was ended and I was left to the silence of the apartment.

Rubbing my face slowly, I stood from my chair and flicked out the kitchen light, walking for the bedroom. Relena wasn't to home tonight and I knew Josh didn't like to sleep alone. Plus, there was so much on my mind at the moment; I really didn't want to sit in my own company.

Stopping in the bedroom doorway, looking at the little figure sprawled out in the bed, shining numerous colors of blues and greens from his night light, I walked over to the bed, stopping to take one more good look at him. He really did look a lot like his mom.

Removing my shoes, pants, and shirt, I climbed under the covers with the small boy, slowly to not wake him. As I rolled over to face him, I was startled by his blue eyes watching me.

"Josh, why are you awake"

Blinking slowly, obviously still half-asleep, he mumbled, "I want you to be my new Daddy"

Staring down at him, unsure of what to say, unsure I heard him correctly, I tried to put on a small grin, "You'd make a great son, Josh" realizing it was the truth

Smiling, satisfied with the answer, the little boy shuffled over and rested his tiny frame against my side, and fell back asleep.

Not moving an inch, eyes glued to the glowing stars on the ceiling, the words kept repeating over and over in my head. Children sure were forward.

'_Do I want to be a father?'_

Out of nowhere, a muffled voice came from the child at my side, "I love you, Daddy" It was as pure as a feather, as heavy as a space shuttle

Without a second thought and a warm heart, I snuggled closer to the boy and relaxed, forgetting all my worries. And right before I fell asleep I freed the words that were resting restlessly in my throat.

"I love you too, Josh"

* * *

**Hello again, I was sure to write another chapter. Reviews def. are good motivation. haha :3**

**ANYWAYS, I know this chapter was a little over the top mushy, and really moved kind of slow. Plus it was a short chapter. Writing obviously isn't my specialty. I just wish somebody could get my imagination on paper. Things would be a lot easier and interesting lol. Anyways, I hope it wasn't too terrible or sappy. I know Heero is quite a bit out of character but too late to turn back now. **

**R&R, be gentle with me folks! **


	15. As the World Began to Fade

**Secrets and Lullabies**

_Chapter Fifteen:_ As the World Began to Fade

By: Oblivious-Bystander

The roar of multiple conversations blending together echoed in my ears. You'd always hear bits and pieces of each conversation. Some were normal; others were things you wish you had never overheard. Some people were kind, others were snobs. It was just the average life of a waitress.

Whipping down a table, knocking crumbs into the floor, I let out a big sigh. Having such a great at-home life now, coming to work was such a chore. Of course, before I never wanted to leave Josh. But now, it was a whole new separation I hadn't experienced before, a longing that weighed down the hands of the clock, ticking away slower and slower.

Standing straight, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear, I looked around the Small diner. It wasn't a bad diner. We did actually make our own food and from scratch. It had an old timey feel to it. Checkered floors, red booths, and a jukebox in the corner whispering songs such as "Don't go breaking my heart" was the only real theme that existed here. Everything else was plain. White plates, white bowls, clear basic cups and simple silverware.

And I now had three tables waiting. It was already proving to be a busy night.

Going to the first table, smiling fondly at the small family sitting the booth, I took their drink order and quickly brought it back to them, giving them a few more minutes to thoroughly examine the few choices on the menu.

The routine was always the same. Drinks. Wait. Food. Wait. Refills. Wait. Check.

The same process went for the second and third table, with a party of nasty men with dark teeth and dirty fingernails sitting at the third. Looking as if they walked off the page of a scary story.

Everything was going the same as always. I had several tables, several dishes to tow into the kitchen, several orders to tow back out. Everything was the same, until I heard a voice that registered above the others. A voice that made the hairs on my arms stand.

Looking around, scanning each face quickly to not making anyone uncomfortable, I looked for anyone somewhat familiar.

'_Don't know you…No…Definitely not…No….No…No.._'

Then I saw him.

In the corner booth across the diner sat a tall, built man with shaggy brown hair, fresh stubble invading his chin. His voice was low and rough on my ears. It was as if I could no longer hear anybody else's. Like everyone else had just simple disappeared. Across from him, sat a long-legged woman with long dark black hair, a woman who also held a spot somewhere in my memory.

Turning away with a spin of my heel, I rushed into the kitchen as fast as I could without making a scene. Breathing heavy, looking out the window in the kitchen door, I cursed the odd chance that they, of all people, would end up in this diner.

"Fuuuuuuck"

A tap on my shoulder made me jump, turning quickly with a squeak, I saw my co-worker, Ann, staring at me equally as startled.

Her billowy red hair and baby face examined me before continuing, "Relena, I have to run over to my house for a few minutes. My kid is sick and I need to check up on him. Do you think you can take over for me for a little bit? I only have one table, they've just been seated"

Staring at her, hoping she couldn't hear my heart pounding, I cleared my throat, "W-who did you just seat? What do they look like?"

"They're in section B, seat 2, umm…it was a man and a woman"

Looking back out the kitchen door, I prayed to God there was another couple in the restaurant. As luck would have it, there was only one table with only a man and woman. Only one table that screamed trouble.

Thinking rapidly, I desperately looked around, "Where's…Where's Rebecca? She can take your table can't she?" stepping in place, feeling the world close in around me.

Shaking her head slowly, eyeing me, she responded quietly, "Relena, you know Rebecca. She's out back. You know, with her boyfriend" glancing around to see if anybody else had noticed my odd behavior. They had.

Panic overflowed in my chest, a cry in my throat threatening to get out. I couldn't do this. I couldn't. How was I supposed to do this? Everything would be for nothing. Everything! For! Nothing!

Stomping past her, past the kitchen crew, and past the storage, I busted through the back door and stomped over the steamy car I knew Rebecca was in. Without any rational thought, I yanked opened the door and was greeted with a scream, I had found my half-naked co-worker.

Anger filling my being, a mixture of irritation and panic, I couldn't control the volume of my voice nor could I find my filtering system.

"This is NOT a FUCKING DRIVE-IN! GET BACK TO WORK!"

Ragged breathes tore at my lungs as the cold air built an ache in my chest. When I saw the woman made no move to get out of the car, I bent down low, getting eye-to-eye with my target, "Ann has a sick kid at home she needs to check on. I have three tables to tend to. I can't handle the whole diner. Get your fucking ass in that diner and cater to her fucking table before I drag your ass in there myself." Thinking of nothing else but my own son I wish I could go home to.

Nonetheless, I was shocked at my own words.

Watching her scurry out of the car and jog inside, I found a crowd of eyes on me. I knew I shouldn't have done that. I knew I should've gone about that entire situation differently.

'_But Josh…'_

Walking back inside, past everybody, I delivered the orders to all of my tables, checking up on them every few minutes, keeping my back turned to that one specific corner I didn't want to see. Maybe if I could forget they were there, they would disappear. I knew it wasn't true.

Keeping myself busy, cleaning everything in my section, catering to everyone obsessively, organizing and putting away dishes, I dared not look behind me.

All that could run through my mind was one little question _"Why were they here and why were they together"_

Before I knew it, my tables were empty and the diner was getting ready to close down. Taking a deep breath, I looked behind me. All the tables in the diner were empty and spotless.

Letting out a great sigh, I tap on my shoulder caught my attention. It was Rebecca.

"Relena, I'm so sorry for my horrible work ethic, I'll do better."

Feeling terribly guilty, shaking my head, I let out another sigh, "No, it's okay, Rebecca. No, you shouldn't disappear like you do when we're busy but I'm sorry for snapping on you. I was…a little stressed out."

Nodding, a little unsure, she looked behind me at the empty table I had been avoiding, "Was there something about the people at that table that you didn't like?"

Before I could answer, Ann walked up to me, smiling sympathetically, "Relena, you were really busy tonight. I can tell you're a little stressed out. I'm back now so why don't you go home and let me and Rebecca finish up here"

Next thing I knew, I was outside walking down the dark side walks alone. A part of me was scared and a part of me was numb. All I cared to do was get home and make sure my loves were safe. And first thing the next morning, I was going to give Trowa an angry call.

'_I should call Heero, tell him to be alert…'_ I thought, reaching into my pocket for my phone.

Glancing behind me, I noticed a shadowed figure walk into an alley way. Stopping, I looked around, phone in hand. What was it they always say? A woman should never walk home alone?

Looking forward, I started walking again, straining to hear the slightest noise behind me, desperately dialing the number into my phone.

_**Footsteps. **_

Quickening my pace, debating on abandoning my work heels so I could bolt for it, I glanced behind me again. Like before, the shadow disappeared into a corner. Pressing the phone to my ear, I listened to it ring over and over again.

Keeping my eyes focused, backing up, never taking my eyes off the spot the shadowed figure went, I slipped my bare feet out of my shoes and onto the cold ground. Immediately, the shadow returned. And before I could think, the shadow split into two shadowed figures and started to run towards me.

"_The person you're trying to call can't come to the phone right now. If you'd like to leave a message, please leave your message at the tone"_

"Shit.."

Spinning around, bolting down the sidewalk as fast as I could, I screamed, "HELP! SOMEBODY HELP!"

The solid footsteps behind me picked up pace.

Looking around everywhere, anything that could hide me, any direction I could go before I led them straight to my apartment, I kept running. Faster and Faster.

Cutting a corner, chunking my bag into a dark corner where I knew I could find it again if nobody got to it before me, I picked up speed, chunking my phone into the opposite direction.

Cutting another corner, knowing I had some distance, I ran into an alley way, immediately crouching down behind a dumpster, careful not rattle any loose trash. Listening, trying to keep my breathing quiet, I heard their footsteps draw closer until the two figures stopped directly in the light in my view.

They were panting, looking around, hunching over. I knew who they were. They were the same people from the diner.

Listening hard, I heard them speak, "Where'd she go?"

"Damnit, I don't know"

"We have to find her, she has to pay!"

"I know that. You're not the only one here that wants to find her." Annoyance ringing loud

"She took me boyfri-"

"She took my son!"

Leaning against the brick wall behind me, I thought back. I thought back to the photos I had found on the cellphone. It was a woman with long dark hair. She looked a lot like…

"Erin!" I whispered, instantly slapping a hand over my mouth.

'The woman on the phone was Heero's ex-girlfriend!'

A rustling close by, too close for comfort, caught my ear.

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"I heard someone"

"You think she's here?"

"Yeah…I do"

Panicking, looking around for anything, I spotted a metal pipe two feet from where I was sitting. If I grabbed it, I would be caught. If I stayed were I was, I would be found.

Taking a deep breath, lunging forward, I heard them cry out. In an instant, I had the pipe and was on the ground under a heavy man. Pain instantly shot through my body.

Gripping the pipe, I swung. Hitting the man above me, stunning him enough to knock him off, I stumbled to my feet and ran to where Erin was standing, holding the pipe up high.

Swinging, I felt my attempt fail as the pipe was torn from my hands from behind. Looking back, the only thing I saw was the pipe swooping down and connecting with my ribs. Crying out, I had no time to think before the next blow connected with my back.

Falling to the ground, I heard Erin's voice cry out, "Daniel, stop! We don't want to do this here!"

"I'm not stopping until I figure out where she is keeping my son"

Grabbing me by a handful of my hair, Daniel yanked me to my feet. Crying out, his hand gripped my jaw, his face only inches from mine.

"Where is he, Relena?"

"Go fuck yourself"

A fist bit my cheekbone, knocking my head to the side, only to be yanked back to be face to face with his, "Where is he!" his breath hot on my cool skin.

"You're not going to touch him" I spit, blood splattering his face.

Growling, shoving my head down full force, he threw knee up, connecting it hard with my face. Pain screamed everywhere in my body. My mind went foggy.

Stumbling back, a cold ground acting as a magnet to mine as I hit the ground. I slurred as the world began to fade.

"You…You will never find him" and I prayed it to be true.

Then everything went black.

* * *

**Okay. This Chapter was kinda dark. But oooo drama! I appreciate all the comments. I've been working lately so this update is a little behind but here ya go. Hope you like it. If you don't, please be gentle. R&R**


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